She is still the light of my life, my reason for existing, but I also have a growing feeling of respect towards her in combination with a desire to connect with her. She seems so mature at times and, while I will miss the baby that I protected and cuddled with, I also look forward to guiding my daughter through these coming years.
Thinking back, I didn't really have anyone to guide me. At nine, I lived with my grandmother in the middle of corn fields in a rural area of middle North Carolina. I had friends with mothers, so I got my tips from them, but even as my teen years approached and my father returned from Korea, I had no one to guide me. My step-mother was Korean and several years older than my father. She had no clue what an American girl goes through.
I don't exactly remember my teen years being extremely difficult or anything, I had bigger problems than hormones to worry about. But I definitely look forward to sharing in my daughter's experience. So far, we are already facing hormones, or at least mood swings, as well as some fluctuation between child and teen. One day she wants to play with her barbies and other toys, other days she wants more to do with movies and music. (Lately, she is almost obsessed with the Olsen twins and Justin Beiber.)
I have had a few months to adjust (as much as possible) to her mood swings, which I am completely convinced are hormone created. (They occur for a few days about 20-30 days apart, you do the math.) Two days ago, however, I almost cried when I realized that she is starting to develop breasts (and I am not a crier). It's still early, but within a few months, I am sure we are going to have to plan a shopping trip for her first bras.
I wonder what else we are in for...time for a little research...
Signs of Puberty in Tween Girls
Girls may begin puberty between the ages of 8 and 12. You will begin seeing things like:
* growth spurts
* fat accumulating around the hips, and thighs, giving her a curvier shape
* breast development
* body odor and skin breakouts due to increased oil gland production
* hair growth in the underarm area, on the legs and in the pubic area
* menstruation begins
* mood swings
* romantic feelings and interest in the opposite sex
If your tween's mood fluctuates, it's probably nothing to worry about. But getting through the day with a moody tween is a challenge for any parent. Try to be understanding. Your tween's body and brain are growing at a rapid pace, and that can be confusing.
About a year ago, I was doing laundry when I notice that the armpits of one of my daughter's shirts was almost bleached through and I went right to my husband, a 5th grade school teacher. I asked him if it was common for children as young as that to need deodorant and he just about looked at me like I was crazy. Apparently, teachers are clued in to children's body odor (especially when a class of sweaty kids comes in from recess), but some of parents have no clue that their children develop body odor this young. I promptly made a big deal out of taking my oldest to the store to pick out her first deodorant. (Never mind that a year later I still have to remind her to use it.) That was my first clue into the fact that I no longer have a child. She was quickly growing up!
Body odor can be a big deal for tweens. It effects how they feel about themselves and how others react to them. It is extremely important to teach your tween about hygiene and cleanliness. This shouldn't be an unnecessary stressor on you tween's already full plate.
Breast development in tween girls can be a source of anxiety. When a girl begins to develop before her friends, she's likely to feel self-conscious and awkward. (Luckily, my daughter does not appear to be an early bloomer.) A girl's breasts will begin to develop generally between the ages of 8 and 11 when her breasts begin to bud.
While my girl isn't an early bloomer, that doesn't mean that we have avoided problems. She still has to deal with a maturing body and I know that it is more than a little scary for her. She has a vague concept of breasts, after all I am not challenged in that area, but she really doesn't have any clear idea of what they are for, and I am not really clear on how to explain it to her. She knows that she was a breast-fed baby, but she has never met a breast-fed baby. She associates babies with bottles.
Believe it or not, tweens need at least nine hours of sleep a night. Make sure your tween is getting the recommended amount of sleep per night (even on weekends), and remove any devices from her room, such as a TV or a computer, that might be responsible for keeping her up. This can help with her mood swings, as well as her development. (We all need sleep to be healthy.)
Sometimes tweens exhibit mood swings because there is something going on in their lives that is stressful. It could be a fight with a good friend, a problem at school, or something going on at home. Get your tween to open up in whatever manner seems to work. For some, this will be asking, for others it requires some space and for them to just know that you are there.
Your tween may be making new friends and dealing with a lot, but it's important that she maintains a close relationship with you as well. Be sure your family plans outings, or schedule some one-on-one time with your tween. Spending time with you could be just what your tween needs.
Friendships, at this point in life, are so important because tweens need the acceptance and support of their friends as they prepare to pull away from their parents. If your tween is having social problems you may need to step in to help her make friends. Be sure your tween understands that maintaining friendships require a little work. Help your tween foster friendships by including them occasionally in family activities.
Other than friendships, tween girls start to think about boys. Over the last week or two, I have gotten several questions from my tween about boy. She has asked questions about when I got my first kiss, when I had my first boyfriend, etc. I was about her age when I "dated" an Irish boy named Nathaniel. By "dated" I mean that we saw each other at school and we sat together on the bus. One day, though, she stood up to get off the bus and turned around and gave me a peck on the lips (and almost got himself in trouble). I decided to take the honest approach with my daughter. My story is G rated, especially compared to what she could face in today's society. Hopefully my story will give her an idea of what is appropriate for her age as opposed to what others may be experimenting with.
In today's society, nearly one in three tweens say they have been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. However, more than one in four of those tweens say that having sex is a part of tween dating.
As tweens begin to change physically it's important for them to understand that your support and love is still there for them. Be sure you take the time to let your daughter know that you're proud of her and her accomplishments, and that you're excited to see her change and grow into a responsible teen.
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