So Busy!

Okay, so I suck at posting over the last few years. I have been really busy with a rambunctious bouncing baby boy, 

a tween,

and a teenager!

 Ahhh! 

Then, when you add in all the illness that my house has gone through and everyone's change of careers [I am now a SAHM and my hubby is an ordained minister (yikes! I am still reeling from that one)], 

there doesn't seem to be a dull day! There also doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to take care of the kids, let alone myself. I hope to get better at posting, but please bear with me....

Who am I?

Alright, so who am I?

I am the survivor of a broken home. I am an army brat and a survivor of child abuse. I am  intelligent, inspiring, and independent. I have a strong personality and a southern accent. My outfits definitely aren’t name brand, but I do like to have my bra matches her panties.

I have a real smile, real hair, and a real body, even if it's several pounds overweight. I believe wearing yoga pants out is perfectly acceptable, and typically chap stick and a swab of mascara counts as “done up.” I am mostly a hearty and hard working western girl, but I aspire to be a girly girl. I would love to learn the art of makeup and hair, wearing frilly dresses, and trying to look as pretty as possible.

I love to drink sweet tea, but care nothing for basketball and could take or leave nascar. I enjoy the whole Duke, UNC, NC State rivalry, but don't have any personal feelings about it. I do say "y'all" and I say "bless your heart" (with tongue in cheek).

I know what I believe, and I'm not letting anyone tell me otherwise. I know that no good comes from caring too much about what others think or say; but I still want others to like me or look up to me.

I hold strongly to her beliefs, but that doesn’t mean that I criticize others.

I am not afraid to try something new and I miss spending weekends climbing, driving, and/or camping.

I am friendly and loyal, and I know that deeply connecting with people is more important than just waving in passing.

I am intelligent and takes the time to study and/or research anything that interests me.

I am independent and don't need a man to shovel snow or drive slick mountain roads, but I do need him to want to do those things anyway. I love my kids, but I am not a cooer. I want my children to be healthy, active, and self-reliant. But I also say "bless her heart" and "don't be ugly."

I am the mother to two very beautiful girls with "disabilities" (ADHD and CAPD) and I strive to teach them to deal with their issues and become successful people.

Family is the most important part of my life, and having frequent phone calls/meals/quality time with the people I love is essential. This is a tricky area for me as family has caused the worst pain and heartache, so my quality time is spent with those that I can trust and friends who might as well be family.

And I am not afraid of gender roles. She isn't afraid to admit that men and women are different, excel at different things, and serve different roles biologically and socially. It doesn’t mean they’re not equal, it just means that they both have their value.

In conclusion, I am still very much a Colorado Girl, but I take the good stuff from a Carolina Girl too J

Carolina Girl

Alright, so, back to my identity crisis….I have always identified myself as a Colorado Girl, but I have been surrounded by Carolina Girls for over 11 years now. So, what is a Carolina Girl?

Link

A Carolina Girl has a strong personality, a sweet southern accent and is always a daddy's girl. She loves to drink sweet tea and watch basketball and/or nascar. She says "ya'll" and "bless your heart."

A Carolina Girl has very strong feelings about Duke, UNC, and NC State, nothing fires you up quite like college basketball in North Carolina. She has a favorite NASCAR driver, even if she doesn't watch NASCAR. And not only will she watch football with you, she will go to the tailgate and might even enjoy it more than you.

A Carolina Girl is both a tomboy and a girly girl. They love hunting and wearing camo, and also love putting on a lot of makeup, wearing frilly dresses, and trying to look as pretty as possible. They would never leave the house without full makeup and hair because know that looking put together means the whole world takes you more seriously.

Link

Even though they work out and take care of their bodies, they aren’t afraid of eating, especially barbeque. Come home after a bad day, another woman might listen to you, maybe offer advice, or tell you it's going to be okay. A Carolina girl will do all of that, and make fried chicken, scratch biscuits, and a sweet potato pie. No matter what ails you, a Carolina girl's cooking is the cure. And if she can't cook, her momma can....

A Carolina girl has manners, it's just how she was raised. She'll call your parents "ma'am" and "sir", she'll never talk with her mouth full, and even her sneezes are polite. She will always be a lady in public and never has a bad thing to say about anyone.Instead, she says “Bless her heart” or “Don’t be ugly.”

Family is the most important part of her life, and having frequent phone calls/meals/quality time with the people she loves is essential.  And, a Carolina Girl is not afraid of gender roles. She isn't afraid to admit that men and women are different, excel at different things, and serve different roles biologically and socially. It doesn’t mean they’re not equal, it just means that they both have their value.

Colorado Girl

I have been suffering an identity crisis lately. I am a mom to three kids and wife to a soon-to-be minister. I have a 14 month old boy and I have yet to be able to reclaim my body (a.k.a. wean him), I have once again become a stay at home mom, and I am finding myself struggling with who I am.

Link

I am the child of a broken and extremely dysfunctional home. I am an army brat and a survivor of child abuse. And, I have always taken great pride in being a Colorado Girl. I haven't been back to Colorado in almost 15 years, though, and I am finding myself increasingly unhappy with who I am or am not being and constantly wishing I was something else. I don't know if it's a proximity thing or an age thing. So, I thought I would look into what it means to be a Colorado Girl.

Colorado has the most confident, intelligent, inspiring, adventurous, and independent women in America. A Colorado Girl is unique. Her outfits aren’t name brand, and she doesn’t care if her bra matches her panties. She’s 100% perfectly imperfect. And the 2,628,487 women who call themselves Coloradans do not fit snugly into a one-size-fits-all label, but there are some similarities. 

A Colorado Girl is beautiful on the inside and confident of who she is. She has a natural beauty and it shines through. She has a real smile, real hair, and a real body. She believes wearing yoga pants out is perfectly acceptable. She believes that chapstick and a swab of mascara counts as “done up.” She doesn't need lots of makeup, her gorgeous personality and a flannel shirt is just enough to make any man fall in love.

The beauty of a Colorado Girl is that she knows what she believes, and she isn’t letting anyone tell her otherwise. A Colorado Girl knows that no good comes from caring too much about what others think or say. After all, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

A Colorado Girl is raised to have class. She might hold strongly to her beliefs, but that doesn’t mean she is going to criticize others for them. She isn’t prejudiced in any way, she is used to interacting with all different people on a daily basis.

Link

A Colorado Girl knows how to have fun. She  isn't afraid to try something new, there is always places she hasn't been and things they hasn't done. She will spend weekends in the mountains climbing, fishing, and/or camping.

A Colorado Girl is friendly and know how to keep their friends. She will not only smile in passing, but will find common ground with you and ask you to join her for her morning hike. She makes friends easily, and then she keeps them. She is loyal and knows that deeply connecting with people is more important than just waving as she passes by. She isn’t a fake friend, and she won’t talk crap about you behind your back.

A Colorado Girl, even the blonde ones, is intelligent. A Colorado Girl takes the time to study, not just in school, but out in her native surroundings. She isn’t just book smart, but she can also navigate her way through the woods, build a fire with sticks, and cook a meal without a recipe. The Colorado Girl learns how to bait a hook, sculpt a clay vase, and do advanced biochemical equations, all in a day’s work.

She is independent and doesn’t need a man to shovel snow or drive slick mountain roads, but she does need her man to want to do those things anyway. A Colorado Girl loves her kids, but she is a not cooer or goochie-goochie-gooer. She wants her children to be healthy, active, and self-reliant. But don't mistake that fortitude for a lack of compassion, desire, or concern, a Colorado Girl brings all of those things to the table as well.

A Colorado Girl is a complex package of independence, class, and intelligence.

Much Needed Update

It has been quite a long time since I posted and there is a lot that has changed!

Number one: We have a third child! God graced us with a little boy on May 2, 2014. (I can't believe he is 9 months old already!)

Number two: I am no longer a working mom, I get to stay home with the boy. (Yay me!)

Number three: My hubby changed careers from Teacher to Director our church's after school care program. (Am I really going to be a minister's wife?)

I promise that I will update you in more detail in posts to come.

And So Life Is

My earliest memory is of my younger brother and I.

Link

We must have been very young, because in my memory, my parents are still together (they separated when we were about three and four years old).

My brother and I were playing out front, near the front porch. In my memory, it is a good old country rocking chair type front porch, painted grey. Anyway, we were playing in the flowers in front of the porch when my brother spotted a bee. I warned him not to mess with it, but he was convinced that it was hurting the flower (yellow, in my memory) that it had landed on.

So, he got stung and he started crying. I remember running into the house and past the staircase leading upstairs (in my memory) and crying for my daddy to come help. Then it fades out.

Alfred Adler, would have asked me "And so life is . . . " He believed that our earliest memories are often our strongest memories in terms of impact on our identity.

And so, for me, life has been. . . caring for and protecting others and lonely, with no one to watch out for me (as they should have been watching a 4-year-old in the front yard) and help me.

Luckily, as time has gone by, other experiences have lessened the "lonely" aspect of my life, but I honestly have had a lot of trouble believing that anyone would have my best interest at heart. Luckily, I married a strong, Christian man, who does have my best interest at heart.

Hello Again...

Okay, so, it's been a WHILE since I last wrote.

I have taken some much needed time off from writing. I needed to step back from blogging on senseless things, or what I had felt had become senseless things and center my focus on me, and, most importantly, God.

Unfortunately, I have spent a lot of time and energy in continuing in my stubborn ways. Unable to relinquish control. That is something that I still need to work on.

Source

Anyways, I have struggled a lot the first part of this year, but have come out better.

I finally broke down and told my husband that I could no longer attend our old church. While it is a great church, it really was not the place for me. I always left it feeling like I was sincerely missing something, a sense of community. I felt like an outsider looking in. Now, whether this was my fault or the church's, we may never know, but one thing was clear, it simply wasn't the place for me.

The hubby and I did some looking around and found another church, a sister church, that seems to be a good fit. We have been attending for about a month now and have really felt God's word flow from the pastor and love from the youth minister when my oldest started having suicidal ideations again. (Yes, we are going back down that road, but we seem to have better support this time around. Or maybe I am just better prepared to handle it.) Now, I have joined the Women's ministry for Wednesday night service and I look forward to going to a Thursday night service that is going to open up very soon. I seem to be getting plugged in and I like feeling like there are people around me.

Source

Since Christmas, I have also been reading a book on Anger. As I have written before, I suffer from a lot of Anger. I want to learn how to conquer it because I can't keep living with it. It is damaging, not only my mental health, my patience, my parenting, but now my body seems to be suffering as well. So, there will be more on that later this week.

Also, this year, the hubby and I have both started making healthier food choices and even exercising. I am proud to announce that I have lost 10 lbs since January 2nd, but the hubby has lost a whopping 23 lbs!

I am a Martha

I was just reading a great post by Christian Stay at Home Moms called But What if I'm a Martha?  I really like the post, but it reminds me all over again that I am a Martha. I am the type of person who gets caught up in the details of no matter what I do.

It definitely applies to my walk with Christ, but it also applies to other areas of my life as well. I can't sit back and enjoy anything because I almost always get wrapped up in the little things that need to be done.

Source

When my daughter was an infant, I was home with her and could enjoy the day to day life with a baby. But, as she grew, I went to school and at one point, I was in school full-time, worked full-time, and was a single mom. Needless to say, I don't remember too many details from those years. Now that I have a husband and a step daughter, I find myself constantly researching things, studying things (including my Bible), or reminiscing. It's always the little things...

So, how do I become more like Mary? How do I learn how to enjoy the big things and still balance the little things...the day to day things...the cleaning...the organizing...etc, etc, etc?

Random Facts About Me

Well, I came across another one of these. I got such a great response to the first, I decided to do this one. After all, I always say that I am an open book...


This one, I found on To Make Love Stay.

1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?
When I was young, and lived a different life, I was known as Amy. There are very few people in my life now who still call me that, but try as I might, I cannot escape it.

2. What's a weird habit of yours?
Which one? I consider myself OCD and have lots of little quirks that are completely normal to me and my circle.

3. What's a song you secretly LOVE to blast & belt out when you're alone?
"I'm a B#*%$, I'm a Lover." No idea why it popped in my head, but I do love to sing it...

4. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?
Feet. I am okay with little baby/kid feet, but after that, don't put them on me!

5. What's one of your nervous habits?
Chew on my lips.

6. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The side farthest from the door, typically.

7. What was your first stuffed animal & it's name?
The first I remember was a yellow, yarn-haired ugly cabbage patch doll. I had it from the age of 2 or 3 until I left home at almost 15.

8. What's the drink you ALWAYS order at Starbucks?
I am not a Starbucks girl. I buy Sheetz French Vanilla Cappucino with a shot of French Vanilla Creamer.

9. What's the beauty rule you preach.. but never ACTUALLY practice?
Wash your face. I have a pre-teen who has started breaking out. I constantly lecture her to scrub her face, but I probably scrub mine about every three days.

10. Which way do you face in the shower?
Away from the water for most of it.

You son of a biscuit eating bulldog!

11. Do you have any 'weird' body 'skills'?
Nope, unless squeezing out a mushroom top is a skill.  ;-)

12. What's your favorite 'comfort food'/food thats 'bad' but you love to eat it anyways?
Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins

13. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say?
Son of a Biscuit Eating Bulldog!

14. Time to sleep - what are you wearing?
Usually a tank and shorts

If you do a list, leave me a comment.

Ghosts of Thanksgiving Past

Okay, so I like Thanksgiving too! I made this one up myself.

2007- Don't worry, the knife is strictly for show.

1. Turkey or Ham? Turkey on Thanksgiving. Ham on Easter

2. Lots of family, or just the close ones? We usually visit with my husband's family (both sides) then do a little something of our own. This year it's one side of his family, then mine.

3. Do you decorate for Thanksgiving or skip right to Christmas? I usually leave up the pumpkins, etc. from Halloween.

4. Do you cook? I love to, but I am looking forward to the break this year.

5. When do you put your Christmas decorations go up? I aim for Thanksgiving weekend.

6. What is your favorite Thanksgiving dish? Turkey, but somehow it's not Thanksgiving without candied yams.

7. Favorite Thanksgiving memory as a child? It would have to be Thanksgiving 2000, I was 20, but it was when I got to see my Grandma and other family members for the first time in 10 years.

8. Snow on Thanksgiving? Not usually in NC.

9. Pumpkin  or Pecan Pie? Pecan pie

2008

If you join in, comment so I can check yours out too!

Ghosts of Christmas Past

After reading Angela's Favorite Things, I decided to post my own Ghosts of Christmas Past post. Interesting enough, I was able to track it through The Traveling PhoBlogWriPher, To Make Love Stay, and Irocksowhat. Wow!

Me and my brother at the Battalion Christmas Party 1982

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate with lots of little/melted marshmallows!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa always wrapped presents for me. Santa only does stockings for my girls, but he still wraps almost all of them little gifts in their stockings.

2008

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Gotta be mulit-colored lights!

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No.

5. When do you put your decorations up? It's usually very hard for me to wait, but I aim for Thanksgiving weekend.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? I always loved Iced Box Fruitcake growing up, but I haven't had it since I was 10.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? I love getting together at my grandma's house, but the last few years, I have really really enjoyed going to the in-laws and their Dirty Santa/White Elephant game!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I figured it out on my own at 5 years old. My brother and I argued about it for the next 6 years, until Teta told us the truth.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? We all get to open one present on Christmas Eve, my girls always open pajamas so they look cute for pictures the next morning.

2009

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? With lot of different ornaments. My tree is like a scrapbook. I can tell you at least a little story with each ornament. I started out with only balls on my tree at 18 years old and now, I am 31 and I don't have room but for one of the original balls (gotta keep it for that story).

2009 - Our first "family" Christmas tree

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? I LOVE it!!!

12. Can you ice skate? Nope. I have been twice in my entire life.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Seems really corny, but when I was incapacitated with a bulging lumbar disc two years ago, my hubby bought me jeans that were way too big so that I could get them on with less pain.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? The two most important parts for me: remembering that God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son... and it is really important to me that we have time just the four of us (parents and children) to spend time together and open presents Christmas morning.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Ruth Boone Peanut Butter Balls!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? ...I love everything about Christmas!

17. What tops your tree? An angel

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? I love giving. I love shopping for my girls and for anyone else that I love.

19. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? YUMMY!

20. Favorite Christmas show?Santa Clause is Coming to Town

21. Saddest Christmas Song? Christmas Shoes by Newsong. Makes me cry every time!

22. What is your favorite Christmas song? Santa Baby and Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

My daughter's first Christmas 2001

My step-daughter's first Christmas 2005 (No, that's not my hubby...lol)

If you join in, comment so I can check yours out too!

25 Things

 

Welcome to Mommy World invited me to do an "about me" style post. Well, not me personally, it was more of an open invitation on her blog. She thought it might be fun to share 25 facts/things that maybe you don't already know. I loved the idea, so here goes...

1. I would legally be considered an orphan, but I have family around. (I was a ward of the state until I turned 18.)

2. I was a single mom for eight years. It's not easy, but in that time I went to school, started a career, raised a compassionate girl, established our little family, and even bought a house.

3. I am good at bargain shopping, but I am not patient enough to go through the racks. I especially don't like crowds. The first time I ever tried Black Friday, I left a full cart in the cosmetic aisle of Walmart because I couldn't deal with all the people.

4. I like Madonna. Not her latest material, but some of the older stuff that I grew up with. Like a Prayer is awesome!

5. I have major self esteem issues. I am the daughter of an alcoholic and a survivor of sexual abuse (3 times over). Because of this I have a very skewed view of myself and how I relate to the world. I often suffer depression and PTSD.

6. My favorite movie is Phantom of the Opera with Gerard Butler and Emma Rossum. I am sucker for heart break movies and the fact that my husband likes it adds to the appeal.

7. I am very stubborn and prideful. Even though I am a Christian, I really have trouble with submission and obedience.

8. I struggle in my relationships. All of them. My relationships with my grandparents, my husband, and even both of my children. I love them all and they have my loyalty, but I have a hard time letting anyone in too deep.

9. Growing up, I never went to a school for more than one year until I got to high school. I was an army brat from a broken home. I did not struggle in school or with friendships. I actually adjusted pretty well to all the moving. It's the people in my life who really messed me up.

10. I have an obsession with anything miniature. It doesn't matter what it is, if it's miniature, I love it!

11. I have gone as far as to put my daughter in counseling. She is only 10 and was recently released after a year of counseling for bouts of stress hives this time last year.

12. I am painfully shy when meeting people for the first time. And even being around people that I am not around on a regular basis. I have been a member of the same Sunday School Class for more than two years and I am still very self-conscious around all of the people in there.

13. I sponsor a child in Nicaragua through World Vision. It took more than 6 months to get our first letters from her, but as soon as she wrote, she had my heart and I can't wait to start sponsoring another child.

14. I actually like my job. I am not just comfortable with my job, I actually like being a paralegal/case manager. I like working for "ambulance chasers." I like helping others to be compensated for life situations that weren't their fault.

15.I am a HUGE animal nut! When I met my husband, I had 6 pets (2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 ferret, 1 bird, 1 fish). I don't ever expect my love for animals to change although my husband probably wishes it would. But, you can't find love or loyalty stronger than that of your pet's (at least the dogs).

16. My favorite store is Target. Although I don't like searching through racks, I can spend hours hitting all the clearance racks/shelves at Target.

17. I would rather have my teeth pulled than hang out with family. I love my family, but every get together, I dread going, but when I do go, I have a blast!

18. My first car was a Datsun B210. I was too short to reach the clutch and sold it for $20.

19. I remember when I first started to shave. My grandmother, Teta, told me she was taking me out for summer clothes and I refused to allow her to buy me shorts. When she asked, I told her that I was not wearing shorts with my hairy legs. (I was only 10 years old.) Her reply: "you know where the razors are."

20. I am team Jacob. I have a soft spot for those who don't have a chance.

21. Even though I work for personal injury attorneys and I know the damage an accident can do, I typically drive 10 miles over the speed limit.

22. I can't stand for someone to try to call me a yankee. Some people from Georgia would refer to me as a yankee and I would have to remind them that I am from the west, not the north. They are two completely different worlds (I know, see #9). Not to mention, yankee is a derogatory word here in the south.

23. I really do laugh a lot, despite some of what is posted above. My husband's favorite nickname for me is "chuckle but".

24. I can't stand slippers that resemble shoes. Mine have to bee the slid on kind. I can't stand the heat generated on my feet and need to be able to slide by slippers off frequently. (If I don't wear slippers, then my hubby doesn't sleep very well because I use him to warm my feet at night.)

25. I love the mountains. I get very nostalgic every time I come anywhere near Boone, NC. I was born in Colorado Springs, CO and I spent 10 years of my life there from middle school up. I used to camp and fish with my family and I have a secret desire to start hiking.

 Wow! That was tough! I never think that my life is interesting and when asked about myself, I usually talk about the people in my life. I kept this post about me and I can't believe I actually came up with 25! Yay me! (If I say so myself.)

Feel free to create a "25 things" post on your blog to link up at Welcome to Mommy World.

Clutter. AAAAHHHHH!

It is a running joke in my house that I am OCD. I have never, officially been diagnosed, but at the least, I have some control issues. Mostly, in that I need to have it. I know, I know....not a very christian trait.

Anyways, I have always, always, always hated clutter. I can't stand to live in a messy house. Most people I know would say "Oh, it's messy, but at least it's not dirty." I tried that...I think I would rather have my house dirty than messy. (Okay, so that's a big lie. I would drive me crazy either way! But you get my meaning.) I hate clutter.

My husband and I are consolidating to one house. While I love the fact that we actually have one place for everything....How in the world am I supposed to find homes for everything? Hello...Goodwill. LOL

Actually, I have donated quite a bit to Goodwill and my hoarder husband has been a real trooper about it.

But the point is that....I hate clutter. If you sit me in a room in my house right now, I get cranky and I start to twitch. The problem, usually I am too pooped to do anything about it until it drives me absolutely berserk.

But, you know, I realize something. My house would be a LOT less cluttered if I didn't have my husband, or my kids, or my precious dogs. And I cannot imagine my life without any of them. So I guess I will just have to A.) twitch every night; B) get off my butt and do something about it; or C.) go with the flow.

In all honesty, I don't see C happening. I am not really a "go with the flow" type of person.

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

I visited a friend's blog and I saw this. It's neat! It's like one of those chain emails or facebook posts. So, I thought I would give it a try...

7 PLACES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT

Ireland

Nicaragua

Jamaica

Alaska

Egypt

Disney World

Sea World

7 THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO MAKE

A quilt from Alyssa's baby clothes

A baby blanket while a baby is still a baby

Another baby

Some duct tape crafts

A deck, for the back of the house

A new driveway

A bigger house (or at least pay someone else to do it)

7 PEOPLE I'D LIKE TO MEET - DEAD OR ALIVE

Sofia, the child I sponsor in Nicaragua

Hellen Keller

My great-great grandmother

Margaret Mitchell

Reba

Joyce Meyer

Pricilla Shreyer

7 THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO OWN

Digital picture frames

Chevy Malibu

Minivan

A bigger house

A kitten

A chinchilla

A horse

7 THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU

Whining

Drama Queens

Those that need to be the center of attention all the time

Stupid commercials

Reality TV

Slow drivers

Helplessness

7 FILMS YOU LOVE

Pretty Woman

The Phantom of the Opera

The Lord of the Rings

The Twilight Saga

Gone with the Wind

Harry Potter

The Lion King

7 THINGS THAT DELIGHT

Gizmo (yes the character)

My puppies

Cheerleading

Chocolate

Christmas music

Annoying the hubby

Naps

7 FAVORITE SONGS

The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland

Does Anybody Hear Her by Casting Crowns

Sold by John Michael Montgomery

Alcohol by Brad Paisley

Red, White, and Blue by Toby Keith

The National Anthem

7 FUNNY WORDS

Faux

Ostentatious

Assassinate

Dickens

Catsup

Tinkle Tinkle

Bosom

Now that you know a little about me, post something about you!

Foot Phobia, Seriously!?!

Okay, I have a dilema and I can't figure it out! I am 30 years old and I seem to have developed a foot phobia. And the weirdest part...this has developed only over the last 6 months or so and gotten progressively worse.

I am okay seeing feet. I am okay with foot rubs. I am okay with my feet. But...when, for instance, my husband's feet come into contact with me, I almost flip out. I don't get it. I have never had a problem with feet before, or even his feet, for that matter. I have given him pedicures in the past and sometimes I still tickle his feet (something I like to do because he isn't typically ticklish).

As the last 6 months have progressed though, if he tries to put his feet in my lap I cringe. And it's gotten worse. Today I actually cried because he was playing around and put his cold foot on my leg. Now, I do need to clear one thing up. My husband has "pretty" feet. They are not bad at all, for a man that refuses to get a pedicure. LOL. But seriously, he doesn't even have foot odor, but if I even touch his feet I feel like I need to wash my hands. And I only use him as an example because, lets face it, I don't exactly get exposed to a lot of peoples feet.

But all of this has got me to wondering...how do people develop phobias, especially so late in life (not that I am old, but you know what I mean)? Is it possible for a 30 year old to develop a phobia and why?

Most of the articles that I read said that the starting point of phobias can be tracked to a 'Significant Emotional Event' in which the person links the phobia trigger to the negative feeling. The trigger may be an event, a situation or a specific object. What appears to happen is that it becomes integrated and neurologically linked or 'anchored' to the emotion. This process is something that we naturally use to remember memorable events. A phobia is simply an extreme version of an anchor linked to a negative emotion.

Anchors are easy to create. In a well quoted test, Martin Seligman an American psychologist bound a small electric shock to certain images. Only two to four shocks were enough to create a negative anchor or phobia to images of spiders or snakes, while a much larger series of shocks was required to cause a neurological link to images of flowers. The key factors are the intensity of the experience, in this instance the pain of the shock and the number of repetitions needed to create the link.

When faced with a real-life extreme experience it is much easier to create a phobia in just one significant emotional event. That's because the brain learns very quickly in intense situations - you only have to touch a naked flame once to learn not to do it again.

But this doesn't make much sense to me in my situation. It's not like my husband, or any one else, has attacked me with their feet or traumatized me with their feet, somehow. I really can't figure out what is going on....

Scarlet O'Hara, really?

Okay, another post about my own insights....

I have been reading Gone with the Wind (again) for several months now, along with reading my Bible, and some self-improvement books. I never really got why I so like this movie and book. (I even like the sequal.) Not only is this just a classic movie and the ultimate romance novel. I have fond memories of snuggling up on the couch in my Teta's (grandmother's) bedroom and watching it for the first time. But, it just occured to me how much I am like Scarlett. This entire book is about a young woman's survival.

I am not saying that I grew up rich, in the south, and sheltered from all. I am saying that I can relate to her. I can relate to her struggles, to her drive, to her never-ending spirit and determination. Scarlett is a lovely creature, by most standards. But what really attracts me to her is her spirit. She has this determination to succeed in life, even leaving off thinking of things until they won't effect her so. Her well known "I'll think about that tomorrow."

And when you read the book, you have even more appreciation for her character. Yes, she grows up spoiled, but somehow, despite that, she has a sense of loyalty, a drive to get what she wants (even Ashley), and a never ending drive to succeed. In Gone with the Wind, she is spoiled and self-centered and remains that way through the entire movie/book. Although, if you can see through that, she has a sense of familial loyalty or she wouldn't have broken her back and ruined her hands picking cotten to provide for her friend and family. She develops this spirit which refuses to be crushed through war, widowhood, and even starvation. She has this courage about her. She faces the truth of life and even protects her own from a deserting Yankee soldier who wants to steal her food and her mom's "ear bobs."

Most would not see this about her character, but somehow I relate. I have had that determination through out my life. I have survived some of the worst that life could throw at me. And even though I am not the best, nicest, or meekest person out there, I am fully aware of my shortcoming and I refuse to give in to them when life gets tough. I would like to be a lady, like Ellen O'Hara, but I fear that a lady such as that couldn't make it in this world any more than she would have made it through Scarlett's life.

As you go on to read the sequel, Scarlett, her character developes even more. She matures. Her familial loyalty blossoms to clan loyalty. Her focus grows from herself and what she wants to what is best for her entire clan of family. It's amazing and I guess, that is what I hope for my life. For my horizons to broaden, for my character to develop, for me to mature.

Yes, I am thirty years old and far more mature than most my age, but I still hope for more. I would like to see my desire to flourish and succeed in life to produce as much fruit as Scarlett's does. I mean, in the end, she gets her heart's desire. She gets her Rhett Butler, her baby, and the entire world opens up in front of her. Yes, I have my hubby and I have my girls, so maybe my world will open in another way...who knows. But I do so look forward to it!

Two Truths and a Lie

Okay, somehow I am sure that this post is somehow related to my last one....Do you grumble? But confession is good for the soul, right? Well I had a "situation" at church yesterday. (Maybe it's more of a problem or grumble.)

The hubby and I got to teach the 3rd Grade Sunday School class at our church for the first time yesterday. My hubby, being the school teacher that he is, decided to start off with an ice breaker with the class. He decided on Two Truths and a Lie. Everyone tells two truths and a lie about themselves and everyone else has to guess what the lie was. (All issues about lieing in church aside, it was a pretty good game.)

The hubby started out the game. His three things: (1) I used to drive a race car. (2) I used to play hockey. (3) I got a novel published. Even his lie wasn't that far off the "cool" radar. He has been published in two poetry books, but never actually published a novel. Then, it became my turn to go....

Uhhhh....for most of you who know me, you know that I have had a hard life. Most of my life has been spent just surviving. So, when it came to my turn for two truths and a lie, I had to come up with really corny ones. After that, the wheels in my head got to turning (as if they ever really stop). Looking back at my life, I have done a lot that I am proud of like surviving sexual abuse, making it as a single mother, going to college and work full-time, etc. But, you know....there isn't much fun in there. Not to say that I haven't enjoyed some parts of my life, I have. I have loved and lost like everyone else. I am well on my way to raising my daughter. I have a lot to be thankful for. But, I haven't had a lot of fun experiences along the way.

The most traditional "excitement" that I have ever had in my life is going to an amusement park twice in my entire life! Wow! Looking back, what have I done with my life. I honestly cannot look back at my life and be okay with it ending this way. I have always wanted to go on a cruise. I want to go to Alaska some day. I want to go to the beach way more often. I want to take a real vacation (which I haven't taken since 2004 when my daughter and I went to the beach for a weekend). I want to take my kids camping. I want a lot more animals. There is a lot that I want out of live, a lot that I still want to experience. Writing this out, though, I am torn. Is it wrong of me to want these things? To want more, even though I am a blessed child of God? Some part of me is happy with what I have and just expects the rest to come with time, but how much of me really feels left out because I haven't squeezed every drop out of my lemons?

I am not really sure, and I may never know. Finances being what they are, I don't think I have the luxury of worrying about it now, but I can't wait forever. We never know how much life we have left....