Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts

Friday, June 1, 2012

Wow! Just, Wow!

Wow! I am one messed up and confused person. I can’t seem to finally make a decision on TTC. I have stopped (completely), so I guess that is a decision, of sorts, but I still sway back and forth like the leaves of a tree in the slightest breeze. I can’t take it any more.

Source
We have, theoretically, been TTC for just over 6 months now, but I am still on the fence. One minute, I dread even the idea of getting pregnant. I think that I am too old, that fact alone make me worry about birth defects, etc. etc. etc. But, then I am a seriously messed up person. I suffer for severe depression and the need to control everything. I swing from happy and carefree to praying for Jesus to take me home in just a matter of weeks sometimes. I feel misunderstood and not taken seriously. I feel lost in the crowd and even simply ignored at times. All of this has led to anxiety and depression in one of my children already. What on earth would it do to another?

One of my great friends just gave birth to her son not long ago and I enjoyed holding him. I enjoyed seeing her in the hospital and seeing this sleeping bundle of joy. But I left the hospital that day with still no craving for a baby. That worried me.

Then, about a month ago, my husband started telling me that I am pregnant. (Mind you, this was after me taking three negative pregnancy tests.) But he persisted... And, over the last few weeks, I started to warm to the idea of maybe a little one growing inside of me. Of bringing a new little bundle of joy home and getting to start all over (talk about feeling guilty after those thoughts!).

Yesterday, I finally broke down and went to store to purchase more pregnancy tests. In the time it to me to go to Wal-Mart, shop around a little, come home, and sit down on the toilet to take my fourth test in two months, I started menstruating. My first reaction was to laugh and laugh and laugh. Talk about ironic. But, today, I feel a little heart broken and disappointed.

But I don’t feel disappointed like I have in the past when I really really wanted to be pregnant. I feel disappointed that I have to keep struggling with my feelings of uncertainty. I honestly started wanting to be pregnant so that I can stop feeling so uncertain, the decision would be made. (That and a cute little bundle would be just adorable to have.)

Would it be terrible to have another baby? No. Would it be stressful? You betcha. Would it be scary? For sure. Would I feel guilt? Probably every day of that baby’s life. So, why do I continue to torture myself about it?

Monday, March 26, 2012

The Journey Ends

Unfortunately, our journey to TTC is over.

After my last post, I finally broke down and spoke with the hubby, again. Unfortunately, I didn't choose the best time. Instead of being up front with him, I just sort of decided to avoid getting pregnant, which resulted in him pushing himself onto me.

Now, I am a childhood victim of sexual abuse and have been diagnosed with PTSD for more than half of my life. Now, those flashbacks have returned but, instead of it being the result of my childhood abuse, it is now my husband that I see and fear. The place that I used to feel the safest has now become my worst nightmare.

Needless to say, our journey to TTC is over. I can't bring myself to allow my husband to touch me, let alone try to bear another child. It would be unfair to the child to have parents who can no longer get along and a mother as damaged as I am.

Now, if only I can bring myself to tell my husband...

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Still Confused

Source
I finally broke down a few days ago and told my husband about my fears and now I am more confused than ever.

Looking back, I don't think I really had any expectations of what my hubby's reaction to my fears would be. (I definitely feared his response if he thought I was saying no more kids. I feared that he would hate me or leave me, although he has never given me any reason to think this.) But, now I am confused.

My hubby is a great man to talk to. Whether I want to or not, I talk to him about everything. But, I keep thinking over our conversation and I don't know what to make of it.

I didn't walk away feeling like I would be supported no matter what. (Okay, that didn't come out right; let's try that again.)

I didn't walk away feeling like it was even a valid option to reevaluate our decision to TTC. Now, I don't know where to turn. I am just kind of floating around and being tossed about by the currents of my emotions.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Ovulating

Okay, I actually started ovulating yesterday, according to my ovulation tests. The ball is coming over home plate. Will we strike out again?
Source

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ovulate Tomorrow?

Source
Okay, according to all of the calendars, I am supposed to ovulate tomorrow...

I am using ovulation test strips this month. Faint second lines have started to appear, so maybe I'll see those two dark lines that I am seeking soon.

Of course, there is no telling what will happen. Last month, for instance, my "monthly visitor" was a week late. Two days ago, we thought she had returned (after only 18 days in this cycle). But, still we hope.

Here is hoping that all the stars line up properly.


Saturday, December 31, 2011

Liar, Liar

Okay, so maybe I wasn't completely honest with my last post. In my defense, I really don't know when I am looking forward to something. I have this built in defense mechanism where I turn off my heart and everything goes through my brain. I don't let myself look forward to something until it is a reality. And this baby thing is such a touchy a painful subject for me anyway. (I guess that statement requires a little history.)

Growing up, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a mother. I didn't have good parents. I actually had neglectful and abusive parents. I knew from as far back as I can remember that I wanted to have children (at least one) and raise them the way that my parents didn't bother.

When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, I was single (after ending a 2 1/2 year relationship with her father), I live with my mom (who is/was an alcoholic and a drug addict), and I earned minimum wage. But, I made it. I wasn't the type of parent that I wanted to be, but I made it. I was stricter than I wanted to be, but my daughter is now 10 years old and growing up beautifully.

When I met my husband, we fell head over heels and immediately planned at least one more pregnancy (but hopefully twins). Shortly after getting married, those hopes died. Partly because of my pride, partly because of my health. Then, I found out that a friend of our was trying to get pregnant and the subject came back up. Then, she was pregnant. Then, right after my 31st birthday (way older than I ever intended to be) we decided to start trying.

So, yes, this has been a very short journey so far, but one I hope not to travel for long. I have a lot of female issues (at least they are for me). I have a history of very irregular and heavy periods. This, will most likely adversely effect our current attempts to conceive. And I just came off an IUD, so this can effect our efforts as well. But, after almost 4 years on an IUD, I forgot what a curse this "monthly visitor" really is. I swear, if only hysterectomy were an elective surgery, I would definitely elect one!

But, back to the original purpose of this post. Yes, I was hoping that I was pregnant. I saw signs in my body and, of course, the delay of my courses. So, of course, I thought that maybe, just maybe. So, yes, I am disappointed. I admit.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

What a Month!

This month has definitely been a trying one! I am a little discouraged, but not too much. We are still only at the beginning of our journey. I did, however, take about 6 pregnancy tests this month. I was due, according to my calculations (since I couldn't get the ovulation tests to work), to ovulate on 12/10. On the the 12th, I finally noticed that my discharge had changed. It was typical consistancy of when I ovulate, but it never went away. So, after a few days, I decided to give a pregnancy test a try (mainly because I had new ones and wanted to give it a whirl).

Then, it occurred to me that I was due to start my new cycle on 12/24 and I started day dreaming about what a wonderful Christmas present that would be - to be pregnant and find out on Christmas. Between 12/15 and 12/29, I took about 6 pregnancy tests (luckily I just got a great deal on a butt load of them)! Each one, I hoped, but I wasn't exactly heartbroken when they weren't positive. Yes, we are trying, but there is still a lot to be done before we would be ready to welcome a little one.

Still, it would have been a great Christmas present!


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas to all!

Merry Christmas to all!

I can't believe the big day is here! Wow!

To be completely honest, I am a little disappointed. I had hoped to give my hubby the best gift of all, but that darn test just won't show two lines yet, although I am not completely convinced. There have been some little changes that I have noticed and I hope it means what I think it could. May just be wishful thinking... but we should know soon. One way or the other.


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Waiting

Okay, so all along, I have tried to play it cool. My husband and I started planning from the second month of us going out that we would have at least one more kid. (Preferably, twin boys.) But, then I went through a bulging disc and back surgery and we faced foreclosure and bankruptcy as a result. Needless to say, hopes of trying for children quickly went out the window.

Recently, however, the hubby and I made the leap and decided to start trying. I am already 31, my girls are 10 and 6, and we have gotten fairly stable financially. So far I have not really allowed myself to get too excited. Yes, I want another kid. At the same time, I am scared senseless about it.

After having back surgery, how is my back going to deal with a pregnancy?

I had my last kid 10 years ago, how is my body going to deal with a pregnancy? Is it going to be as easy as it was before?

I am over 30, am I at risk for birth defects?

I am still technically in bankruptcy, can I be out of it and ready to look at our final house by the time baby arrives?

We are in a three bedroom house, where can we fit a third kid (especially if it's the hoped for boy)?

At the prime age of 21, it took 2 years to get pregnant. Can I even get pregnant now?

Yeah, I have a lot of worries and what ifs floating around in this head of mine. BUT. Even with all those concerns, I find that I view a lot of things differently now that we are trying. I try to figure out when I am ovulating and focus more on that time of the month. When I decide to have the 2nd cup of coffee, I actually feel a little guilty. Now that I am trying to make sure we can afford another mouth to feed, savings is even more important to me than ever before.

This is fun, stressful, and I relish every bit of it!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Great Deal!

I just bought 50 ovulation tests and 10 pregnancy tests for $30.09 (including shipping)! What a great steal. I got a heads up from Raising Mighty Arrows that CPT Worldwide had pregnancy tests on clearance for $0.79 per piece.



What's even better, is that this company is a pro-LIFE fertility test supplier! How cool is that? I can get the ovulation and pregnancy tests that I need and support a company with great morals!


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

How to get Pregnant Faster...


Tip # 1: To get pregnant faster make love at least three times a week.

Having regular sex is the best way to get pregnant right away. Well, duh, right? No really. Some couples try to time everything perfectly for ovulation but do not have sex when they think they are not ovulating. However, women do not always ovulate when they think they will, making love three times a week, or every other day, will cover all bases and keep you from missing an opportunity to get pregnant.

Men should also try to ejaculate at least once every two to three days throughout the month to keep up their sperm supply.

Tip # 2: To get pregnant faster use an ovulation prediction kit or fertility monitor.

Using an ovulation kit or fertility monitor will improve your chances of getting pregnant. Ovulation varies dramatically from woman to woman, occurring as early as day 6 and as late as day 21 of a cycle. Ovulation prediction kits work by reading LH surges prior to ovulation and leave out the guess work that other charting methods create.

Tip # 3: To get pregnant faster make love before ovulation (not after).

After a woman ovulates the egg will live about 24 hours. But, Sperm live for up to three to five days. Making love two to three days before ovulation will increase your chances of getting pregnant.

Tip # 4: Before you start trying to get pregnant see your doctor.

Untreated infections, sexually transmitted diseases, or poor health can affect your chances of getting pregnant, so it's good to see a doctor and start taking prenatal vitamins prior to trying to conceive.

Tip # 5: To get pregnant faster enjoy yourself.

Some researchers believe that having an orgasm increases your chances of getting pregnant. For women, the spasmic movements of orgasm will help pull the sperm into the uterus and for men a better orgasm may increase the man'ssperm count. Some experts say that if a woman is highly aroused while she'shaving sex, the sperm has a better chance of fertilizing her egg. Others say it makes absolutely no difference. Some researchers have found that a suction effect is created when the female partner achieves orgasm, something that causes the cervix to draw sperm into the vagina more efficiently. It definitely won't hurt and may even help in boosting your libido and killing that awkward feeling of having sex for pregnancy.

Tip # 6: Make love in positions that keep sperm inside the vagina longer.

The missionary position is a good position to use when trying to get pregnant, but not the only position that is good, try to avoid positions where the woman is on top. Gravity will allow sperm to leak out with these positions.

Tip #7: Lose weight

Aside from the other risks it poses to your health, excess body fat can lead to an overproduction of certain hormones that disrupt ovulation. Your cycles may be less regular, you may ovulate less often, and you lower your chances of getting pregnant. Studies show that women whose body mass index (BMI) is below 20 or above 30 have a harder time getting pregnant

Tip #8: Seek Serenity

Stress and depression may hamper your fertility. Experts suspect that stress may throw off your body's hormone production, making your menstrual cycle less reliable.
 
Tip #9: Increase the Odds

If you find that your cervical mucus is not as conducive of getting pregnant as it should be, you may want to try a specific type of lubricant. Pre-Seed lubricant is the sperm friendly choice of many people trying to get pregnant. Some believe that any other lubricant can actually act as a mild spermicide.

Tip # 10: Remember that conception is a numbers game.

You can do everything "right," but still not manage to conceive the first time around. Twenty to 22 percent will get pregnant within the first month of trying. But, studies have shown that it takes normal, fertile couples an average of six months to conceive, and most doctors consider anything up to one year to be well within the range of normal.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

To Do List Update (2)

Okay, here is an update on my to do list for planning/preparing for a pregnancy . . .

1. Talk with my OB/GYN.

2. Take folic acid (and watch out for vitamin A). 


3. Give up drinking, most of the time.

4. Eat healthy.
Watching my calories, fiber, and protein, but also adding fish at least once a week.

5. Give up coffee/caffeine. 


6. Get your weight in check.
I am about 90 lbs overweight, losing some of that extra baggage can actually help us to conceive. First step, get the IUD removed. Then, just sit back and watch the pounds melt away. Yeah, okay!

Seriously, though, I try and try to lose weight and it just doesn't budge. I joined the biggest loser at work, so lets see if I can get drop some weight with others for support...

7. Pay attention to the fish you eat. 
Eat no more than 6 ounces (1 serving) of solid white canned tuna per week. Eat up to 12 ounces (2 servings) a week of fish that are not high in mercury. (Good choices include herring, farm_raised rainbow trout, salmon, and sardines.)

8. Create and follow an exercise program. 
I need a health body for me and baby and . . . working up a little sweat is a great way to relieve the stress that can get in the way of getting pregnant.

I need to ease into an exercise routine. Starting with something tame, like taking the dogs for daily walks, walking the long way to the bathroom, tend to the yard,  play with the kiddies, etc. Also, trying to get an accountability partner to walk with at lunch...

9. See the dentist, in January.
Hormonal shifts can do a number on your teeth and I am already due for a root canal.

10. Start a savings account with the credit union.
5% is going in it from both of our incomes, and working our way up to 10%.

11. Consider your mental health.
I talked to Dr. Mattern and she said that I can continue on Paxil if I need to, but there are other medications that we can try if I need my antidepressant. We'll see how it goes.

12. Get a flu shot.


13. Figure out when you ovulate.
A gracious friend of mine has provided me with her leftover tests! Yay!

14. Toss your birth control.
Got my IUD removed.

15. Stock up on sleep.
Don't wait until you are prego and can't get comfy. Sleep also cuts down on stress and increases your chances of conceiving.

16. Start Journaling again.


17. Deal with where you want to live.
Already started talking to the hubby. Probably same house, be we have a long way to go to deciding where baby will actually sleep.

18. Schedule that trip I’ve been talking about.
I have been talking for years of a trip back to Colorado. I want to go back and do all the touristy stuff that I never did as a kid. It's time to start thinking about it...(maybe)

19. Discontinue the hair coloring.
I don't color much anyway and I use the home treatments, which are not as full of harmful chemicals.

20. Stop buying clothes.
Maternity clothes don't count and neither do shoes.

21. Have a parenting talk.
Already started talking about circumcision...need some more research there. Yes, we are (he is) hoping for a boy.
Still need to consider childcare...I am thinking of a daycare right across the street from work. Hoping this will help me breastfeed longer.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Another Big Step!

I went to the doctor today! No more IUD!

She did advise me that it could take a few months for my body to regulate after coming off the IUD. There is a chance that I can become prego right away, but there is a chance that it could take a while too.

I spoke with her about my concerns with ADHD and my thoughts on getting as much Omega3 as I can to help combat any chance. She neither confirmed or denied, but she offered to write me a prescription. She went ahead and prescribed CitraNatal Assure for me. So, my experimentation with the prenatal vitamins may be over, depending on how much it's gonna cost.

She gave me the standard spiel of it taking about a year to get pregnant, etc. etc. etc. I really didn't have many questions and Dr. Mattern congratulated me on being so well prepared and so informed. She said that it is so refreshing to come across someone who knows what she's doing and doesn't think that she is dying of 15 different things because she came across the wrong thing on the internet.

The removal of the IUD was really, really easy! A tug, a slight pang of pain, and it was gone! Now, lets see how long it takes for my system to go back to normal. As it is, I am almost two weeks late.




Friday, November 4, 2011

To-Do List Update

Okay, here is an update on my to do list for planning/preparing for a pregnancy . . .

1. Talk with my OB/GYN.
Got an appointment for November 8th to talk to doctor and get my IUD removed! Yay! Then we can really get it started!

Topics to discuss:
  • medication: with a history of back surgery, I need to know what pain medicines are safe to take
  • diet/weight/exercise
  • vitamins

2. Take folic acid (and watch out for vitamin A). 
Got started on some prenatal vitamins provided by my bestest.

3. Give up drinking, most of the time.
You should abstain from alcohol all together during the last two weeks of your cycle in case you've conceived.

4. Eat healthy.
What I am really bad at, though, is getting enough food to eat. Using this new calorie tracker with fitnesspal.com. Need a little practice with planning my menu.

5. Give up coffee/caffeine. 
I have limited myself to one cup of coffee or one soda a day. But, I was recently informed that caffeine has no effect on fertility, as long as the hubby stays away from Mt. Dew. :-)

6. Get your weight in check.
I am about 90 lbs overweight, losing some of that extra baggage can actually help us to conceive. First step, get the IUD removed. Then, just sit back and watch the pounds melt away. Yeah, okay!

Seriously, though, I am already a pound down, but it's really hard!

7. Pay attention to the fish you eat. 
Eat no more than 6 ounces (1 serving) of solid white canned tuna per week. Eat up to 12 ounces (2 servings) a week of fish that are not high in mercury. (Good choices include herring, farm_raised rainbow trout, salmon, and sardines.)

8. Create and follow an exercise program. 
I need a health body for me and baby and . . . working up a little sweat is a great way to relieve the stress that can get in the way of getting pregnant.

I need to ease into an exercise routine. Starting with something tame, like taking the dogs for daily walks, walking the long way to the bathroom, tend to the yard,  play with the kiddies, etc. Also, trying to get an accountability partner to walk with at lunch...

9. See the dentist, in January.
Hormonal shifts can do a number on your teeth and I am already due for a root canal.

10. Consider money matters.
Start a savings account with the credit union. Budget at least 10% savings each payday.

Got an appt with the hubby for Thursday and/or Friday to start a savings account with the credit union.

11. Consider your mental health.
I have been clinically diagnosed with PTSD for more than half my life. I am currently medication free, but that can change at any time. This is definitely something to talk to my doctor about.

12. Get a flu shot.


13. Figure out when you ovulate.
A gracious friend of mine has provided me with her leftover tests! Yay!

14. Toss your birth control.
Got the appointment to get my IUD removed.

15. Stock up on sleep.
Don't wait until you are prego and can't get comfy. Sleep also cuts down on stress and increases your chances of conceiving.

16. Start Journaling again.
Hello, that's what my blog is for.

17. Deal with where you want to live.
Already started talking to the hubby. Probably same house, be we have a long way to go to deciding where baby will actually sleep.

18. Schedule that trip I’ve been talking about.
I have been talking for years of a trip back to Colorado. I want to go back and do all the touristy stuff that I never did as a kid. It's time to start thinking about it...(maybe)

19. Discontinue the hair coloring.
Most experts recommend trying to minimize your exposure to the chemicals, especially in the first trimester when your baby's major organ growth takes place.

20. Stop buying clothes.
Maternity clothes don't count.

21. Have a parenting talk.
Already started talking about circumcision...need some more research there. Yes, we are (he is) hoping for a boy.
Still need to consider childcare...I am thinking of a daycare right across the street from work. Hoping this will help me breastfeed longer.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Your Health, Your Fertility

As you know, health effects your attitude, but did you know it effects your fertility as well? In all my reading, health effects your attitude, your attitude effects your fertility and your health effects your fertility, as well. Talk about a triangle!

Me and the hubs will start trying to concieve soon. Unfortunately, I am about85 lbs overweight. I weigh 50lbs more now than when I had my daughter 10 years ago. There is no time like now to get moving on my health. (Not to mention I want one of those gorgeous baby bumps that I keep seeing around.)

Here are some seemingly easy goals that were given to me by my counselor over a year ago. They seem easy, but I have struggled with them forever...

Goal #1: Keep track of your weight. In order to get an accurate view of your weight, weigh yourself once a week, on the same day of the week.

Goal #2: Eat at least 3 healthy meals a day. You should never go more than 6-8 hours without eating. The frequency with which you eat effects your blood sugar levels. In turn, blood sugar levels affect your moods.

Goal #3: No caffeine after 2pm. Of course, when you are prego or TTC, you should consume no more that one cup of coffee a day, anyway. Just make sure it's not after 2pm.

Goal #4: No eating after 7 or 7:30pm. This will help you to sleep at night. Eating late in the day can cause your blood sugar levels to spike at an inopportune time, if you are trying to go to sleep and can also give you biological reasons for waking at night.

Goal #5: Exercise 3-4 times a week. Start small. Take a walk around the block or go to your local mall and window shop. Walking, gardening or playing with your kids or pets are all examples of activities that you can do anywhere or anytime. Even small amounts of activity can help increase your energy level. Also, find creative ways to fit more activity into your day-to-day life. Simple changes like walking up the stairs instead of taking the elevator or parking further from the door of your office building will increase your activity level and give you more energy without feeling like a burden.

As I said, these goals seem doable but I have struggled with them all in the past. I am such a perfectionist that when I can't do it right, I give up.

Monday, October 24, 2011

First Big Step





Okay, aside from talking to the hubby about TTC, I am taking the first big step today. I am calling the OB/GYN about getting my IUD removed. Found a local OB/GYN and got an appointment for 11/08.


I am excited! I don't know if I can wait that long! Once I get this IUD outta me, we are really truly ready to go!

Yay!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

TTC To Do List

Okay, here is a/my to do list for planning/preparing for a pregnancy . . .

There are a lot of lists out there, so I figured I would add my own. (Now, keep in mind, this list is not all inclusive, this is my list. I did leave out anything I have already done and anything I don’t need to do.
1. Talk with my OB/GYN.
Your doctor should review your medical history, your health, and any medications you're taking before you start trying to conceive (TTC). Certain medications are dangerous during pregnancy, and some have to be switched before you even try to conceive because they're stored in your body's fat and can linger there. I take medications like Paxil, Xanex, and Hydrocone/APAP which most likely need to be removed from my system. (Luckily, none of them store up in my body.)

Your doctor should also discuss diet, weight, exercise, and any unhealthy habits with you. (I tend to smoke one cigarette about once a month. This would be a bad habit.) Your doctor should also recommend a multivitamin, make sure you're up to date on your immunizations; test you for immunity to childhood diseases such as chicken pox (which I had) and rubella (which I have been immunized for); and answer any questions you have.


2. Take folic acid (and watch out for vitamin A).
By taking 400 mcg of folic acid a day for at least one month before you conceive and during your first trimester, you can cut your chances of having a baby with birth defects. You can buy folic acid at the drugstore, or you can take a prenatal or regular multivitamin.

Also check to make sure that your multivitamin doesn't contain more than the recommended daily allowance of vitamin A. Getting too much of a certain kind of vitamin A can cause birth defects.

3. Give up drinking, most of the time.
Alcohol can get in the way of getting pregnant, so it's a good idea to cut back when you start trying. I don’t drink more than 10 margaritas in a year and the occasional (once-a-month beer), so I am okay. But you should abstain from alcohol all together during the last two weeks of your cycle in case you've conceived.

4. Eat healthy.
You should start making nutritious food choices now so that your body will be stocked up with the nutrients you need for a healthy pregnancy. I am quite good about keeping most unhealthy food from my kids, but I like my ice cream every so often. What I am really bad at, though, is getting enough of the good stuff. I don’t eat. I tracked my calorie intake in September and I consume around 1300 calories a day. This is even below the recommended caloric intake to lose weight. I am just not hungry . . .

5. Give up coffee/caffeine.
Okay . . . problem. I love my coffee.
The March of Dimes advises pregnant women to limit their caffeine consumption to 200 milligrams per day, about the amount in one cup of coffee, depending on the brew. That would be a good goal to aim for now.

And since caffeine affects fertility as well, I wonder if the hubby should have to give up his too . . .

6. Get your weight in check.
Another problem . . .

You may have an easier time conceiving if you're at a healthy weight. I have been trying to get my weight on track (I am about 90 lbs overweight), but my IUD has prevented me losing any . . . Hopefully, I can get it on track pretty quickly after it’s gone. I need to talk to my doctor about the best way to lose weight while trying to conceive.

7. Pay attention to the fish you eat.
While fish is an excellent source of omega_3 fatty acids (which are very important for your baby's brain development, especially since I have a girl with ADHD, already), as well as protein, vitamin D, and other nutrients, it also contains mercury, which can be harmful.

Most experts agree that pregnant women should eat some fish, and that the best approach is to avoid fish that are the highest in mercury and limit your consumption of all fish. The FDA recommends that women of childbearing age not eat shark, swordfish, king mackerel, or tilefish, and eat no more than 6 ounces (1 serving) of solid white canned tuna per week. I love my tuna, but I am okay with limiting it.

The FDA and EPA recommend that pregnant women eat up to 12 ounces (2 servings) a week of fish that are not high in mercury. (Good choices include herring, farm_raised rainbow trout, salmon, and sardines.) I love fish, but it’s usually tuna, so I need to do some adjusting to my diet there.

8. Create and follow an exercise program.
Start and stick to a fitness plan now. I have a hard time exercising. I HATE it. I hate exercising with a group and I don’t have the self-control to keep it up by myself. But I need a health body for me and baby and . . . working up a little sweat is a great way to relieve the stress that can get in the way of getting pregnant.

I need to ease into an exercise routine. Starting with something tame, like walking ten to 20 minutes a day. Add more activity into your daily routine by taking the stairs instead of the elevator or parking your car a few blocks away from work. (This would be good if I offer to start driving the ugly truck, which I have been too embarrassed to drive up ‘til now.)

9. See the dentist, in January.
Hormonal shifts during pregnancy can make you more susceptible to gum disease. Increased progesterone and estrogen levels can cause the gums to react differently to the bacteria in plaque, resulting in swollen, red, tender gums that bleed when you floss or brush. I didn’t have this problem before, but I have had a lot of tooth problems lately and I am expected to go back to the dentist in January for a root canal. Might as well get it out of the way ASAP.

10. Consider money matters.
Start saving now for the medical bills and added expenses of being pregnant and being a parent. The better prepared you are, the better and less stressed you and your family will be in bringing that little one into the world.

11. Consider your mental health.
Women who suffer from depression are twice as likely to have problems with fertility as women who don't. If you suffer depression, seek help. I have been clinically diagnosed with PTSD for more than half my life. I am currently medication free, but that can change at any time. This is definitely something to talk to my PCP about.

12. Get a flu shot.
Are you kidding me? I don’t think I have ever had this shot and (knock_on_wood) I only get the flu about every 8 years. However, getting the flu while pregnant can lead to serious complications, such as pneumonia and pre term labor. With my recent lung struggles, I don’t want to risk pneumonia.

13. Figure out when you ovulate.
Some women simply stop using birth control when they're ready to get pregnant and let fate decide when they'll conceive. This would be great if I didn’t already know my "typical cycle." I have a very erratic cycle when not controlled by my IUD. The more research I do the more I wonder if I even ovulate every cycle.

14. Toss your birth control. 
 Going off hormonal contraception can require a bit more planning. Does my IUD count? It has hormones in it...something else to talk to the doctor about.

15. Stock up on sleep.
Most people expect to lose sleep after the baby gets here, but most don’t count on the loss of sleep during pregnancy. When things like heartburn and getting up to pee reek havoc on your sleep schedule, it’s hard to stock up on sleep before the baby. Start stocking up now.
And, did you know, naps may even help you get pregnant faster? Women who get too little sleep tend to have more problems ovulating regularly than those who don’t.

16. Start Journaling again.
And not for the reason that you think . . .

Some research shows that having high stress levels can delay your ability to get pregnant (by making ovulation wacky, or by interfering with an embryo's ability to implant in the uterus). If you're an Type A personality to begin with, like me, your stress may ramp up once you're pregnant and dealing with getting your home and life ready for a baby. Studies show that writing in a journal regularly can help you feel more optimistic and less worried.

17. Deal with where you want to live.
We need to more space. This is something to definitely talk to the hubby about. Don’t need to move yet, but we definitely need to have a plan in place . . .

18. Schedule that trip I’ve been talking about.
After another kid, I am not going to want to travel for a while, I am sure. I have been talking for years of a trip back to Colorado. I want to go back and do all the touristy stuff that I never did as a kid.

19. Discontinue the hair coloring.
I am a blond, but my hair has gotten darker through the years, so I tone it down a shade or two with either color or highlights (depending on how much money I have).

Though there's no conclusive research that proves hair coloring is unsafe during pregnancy, most experts recommend trying to minimize your exposure to the chemicals, especially in the first trimester when your baby's major organ growth takes place.

20. Stop buying clothes. 
This totally sucks because I have reached a point in my life where I just want a whole makeover. I want new clothes, jewelry, and accessories. But if I am TTC, then what’s the point in the new clothes. I could be out of them in just a few months. And...I am going to have to start thinking about maternity clothes anyway. Instead, I should plan on a new mommy makeover (maybe).

21. Have a parenting talk.
Most of the experts and real moms agree that it's important to chat with your partner about some of the biggie parenting issues like how you'll share childcare, working vs. staying home, religious traditions before you start trying. Yes, my hubby and I already have children, but we haven’t had any together. I would probably be much better to talk about circumcision and different religious traditions before I am whacked out on hormones.

Wow! That’s quite a list. But, if all goes right, I can get some of it knocked out pretty easily. What sorts of things do you need to prepare for pregnancy? And I promise, I’ll update you on the list as time goes by.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Are We Ready?

How Do You Know When You're Ready?

How does a couple know when they are ready for kids and/or another kid?

I have never chosen to have a child with anyone. I got knocked up with my daughter. There was no choice there. So, how does a couple decide if there are ready for a child?

As it turns out, this is not an easy question to answer. You have to take a lot of things into consideration:

Goals
  • Are either of you still in school? Yes, my husband just started classes for additional certification at work (for which I am very proud of him).
  • Or planning to go back at some point? Yes, my husband would like to go back for his Masters in Administration. I have fiddled with the idea of getting my bachelors at some point.
  • How will that affect your finances, spare time and relationship? Detrimentally, I am sure. The hubby and I can't get enough time together or stretch our finances far enough as it is, but in the end I am sure it would be beneficial.
  • And, what effect will a baby have on that education? Danny's current schooling should only last about 16 weeks, so no issue there. But a baby would definitely put his Master's and my Bachelor's on hold, but we doesn't seem to be on the fast track for that, yet anyway.
Career
  • Is there room in your career, especially for mom? There is a problem here in that I tend toward being a workaholic. I was with my oldest and now, I constantly battle with my priorities. Not to mention, I just started my job 6 months ago, too early to start considering maternity leave?
Finances
  • Do you budget? Yes, I started this recently for my family, we are still experimenting, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
  • Is there any room in your budget? Not at the present but there should be a lot more room after the first of the year. Not to mention, we have at least 9 months to make room.
  • What about daycare? Can you afford to go back to work and pay daycare? Or stay home? Honestly, right now, neither. I would love nothing more than to stay home for a few years, but we can't afford this. The only other option is to pay more than $8K a year for other people to raise our kid, my wallet is already hurting.
 Conception
  •  Chances are, you'll have little or no idea about your ability to conceive until you start to try. Luckily, I have an insight into this. My body, at its healthiest (11 years ago) took two years to conceive my daughter. (Yes, I know I said that I got knocked up, but I was young and dumb and not exactly preventing getting pregnant at the time.) Yes, there would be a chance of conceiving right away, but I doubt it with my now older, bigger, and less healthy body. Of course, God could surprise us all!
 Relationship
  • Being married isn't easy . . . and parenthood is even less of a fairy tail. I love my hubby, but there are a lot of days where marriage and/or parenting are a challenge. So how do you know when your relationship is ready for another kid? (Okay, I sort of answered that question with a question . . .) I think I am nervous from a relationship aspect. I love my husband and I have no plans to go anywhere, but I also know our day to day life. I know that we don't always agree on how to raise our kids, I know that I often get oversensitive at having to do work full time and do so much around the house, I know my physical limitations with my back. With my roller coaster emotions, I wonder what a baby would add to that mix. Our kids are currently 10 and 6, and a baby would be a major change to our relationship. I know that my husband will be a great father (he already is), but the human side of me is nervous.
 Space
  • Are you ready to spend more money on an upgrade or move to a less expensive area? I am willing. The hubby and I have always had the dream of putting a house on the land that he owns, but I am currently in bankruptcy. We are still recovering from me being out of work for two years. So, how long before a bank would approve a loan for the dream we have? Who knows . . . that is not exactly a question I can Google.

This is a lot to consider and my initial answers scream "Hey stupid! It's definitely not time!" Okay, nothing so drastic. If you really look at it from finances, we could make it (though it wouldn't beextravagant ) and from the conception aspect, it's almost now or never. But really, is there ever a right time to have a baby? There is never going to be enough money, enough time, enough space.


So, me and the hubby officially decided to start trying! Yay!