Priority Conflict

Do you ever feel your priorities warring with each other?

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I do and it’s soooo hard.

I know as a working mom, and a former single mom, that is the nature of the game, but it seems to get harder with time, or maybe it’s age. It gets harder to make myself a priority when I don’t feel like I make my family enough of a priority.

Let me explain:

Growing up, I never thought to stay home. I knew that I would grow up to be a working woman. Then, with the birth of my first child and my life as a single mom, I knew that there was no other option. So, I went to school and prepared my career.

But, now, I don’t know why, but I have the insane desire to stay home. I have this yearning for days at home, be they lazy or busy, for a simpler and less stressed life.

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Now, mind you . . . I have worked all but four years of the last 15 years. But over the last couple of years everything changed. Gradually, I started fighting with myself and my guilt every time I had to take a sick day or leave early for a doctor’s appointment. Then, I started working from a different office, farther away, and with a lot more stress. Now, I just want to be home. I want to clean my house, I want to be free to come and go as needed, I want to be there to cook dinner and clean the house.

As the year moves on, I feel more and more guilty that my husband has to cook every meal, that I don’t seem to have the energy to clean the house, and that I now have a growing list of medical problems on top of dealing with my oldest daughters depression, etc.

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So, when a member at church invited me to join a promising sounding Thursday night women’s group, I thought that it would be the perfect opportunity for me to get some support and to grow stronger in my faith. My husband and I talked it over, and we made arrangements for dinner that night, etc.

And, then it happened.

I started driving to the group and I couldn’t extinguish this growing feeling. I know that I have written before on my social issues, about how I am scared, sometimes cripplingly so, in social situations. I am scared of rejection and of being a third wheel. And yes, that feeling was creeping in on me as I drove, but there was something else too.

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I started to think of all the activities during the week that take my family away from each other. Between all the activites, we go our seperate ways 3-4 nights a week. I started to feel guilty for looking at another commitment that would take me away (even if it is the only one I would have alone, and even if it is on the same nights as karate). It started nagging on me that I would not get time at home with my oldest on Thursday evenings. That I would have no option of going to karate, although, honestly, I hardly ever go. This feeling just kept growing inside of me. This feeling that what I was doing was not right. And, then I pulled into a crowded parking lot. (Now I had been told that this group was about 80 ladies strong, but the number in my head was NOTHING compared to seeing all those cars!) I immediately knew that what I was doing was wrong, at least for me, and I left.

Could that group have been good for me? Sure.

Could it have been just what I needed in this world? Sure.

Could I have just been another soul lost in the crowd, as I feared? Sure.

Could it have helped me grow spiritually? Sure.

Am I sorry that I didn’t go? I don’t think so. I was sorry that I didn’t go a year ago when I was first invited, but I don’t think that I am sorry that I didn’t go this time. I want to be home. I need to be home and, at this time, I think it would have just been too much.

Question...

How do you all deal with Working Mom Guilt?

I work full-time and I have a family. I have two girls and a husband. Luckily, my husband is a school teacher and almost always gets home before I do, so when I get home dinner is ready and homework is done.

But, I also have one child in treatment with a psychologist, which requires doctor's appointments, and school events, regular doctor's appointments, etc. I feel like I am leaving work early about once a week on average and I worry about my job.

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Luckily, my supervisor has been very understanding with all the appointments for my daught this year. He has never asked what is going on, but all the doctor's notes from therapists and psychiatrists probably gives him an idea.

But, how do I balance my responsibilities at work (which have recently increased) and my responsibilities as a wife.
Yes, it is easy to say "family comes first," and it really does. But my job is very important for my family too. Lately, with the added responsibilites at work, I have been unable to attend my own therapy appointments (and take care of myself), and I worry what all the other appointments will fall by the wayside (which I really can't afford).

Trust me, I would love nothing more than to stay home with my kids. I could cook and clean, take better care of my dogs, have everything nice and ready for the hubby and kids when they get home. But, I don't have that luxury and, honestly, it made me a little crazy when I did.

World Flipped

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Okay, as "most" (should be all) of you know, I am a working mom. I am blessed to have a school teacher for a hubby, who takes care of the kids after school. I am also blessed to work 10 minutes from home. On a typical day, I can leave work for lunch and actually come home and hang out with the dogs (and even the hubby during the summer).

Well, a wrench was thrown into that tranquility today (Thursday).  My boss, who is the regional supervisor and not often in my office building, showed up unexpectedly and asked to speak with me.

**Now, I know what you are all thinking, but this was at 11am. "Those" conversations are usually had at the end of the day.**

Turns out that we have some people shifting positions and it's leaving a gaping whole that needs to be filled in the office in the city next to us. So....I get to transfer offices "for at least 90 days" to another town and work in an area of law that I haven't worked for 6 years.

Not only am I switching offices, but I am moving to our "corporate" office, so the atmosphere is bound to be different.

Needless to say, I am nervous.

Mommy Guilt

I have been suffering recently. I have heard it said that my emotions are being tested. Anyways, at the drop of a hat, I lose the control that I once had and I start crying. My poor hubby is baffled. My problem, more than anything else right now, is guilt. I feel like such a failure in every area of my life, in way more areas than I am able/allowed to post about.

I feel like a failure a work because my "checklist" is getting too long. I can't seem to keep up. For me, being the perfectionist that I am, I am sure that I am making more out of this than I should, but I worry. I am so thankful to have a job and I worry that my recent inability to keep up and all the time that I feel like I miss for my family will take that blessing away.

I can't keep up with my house. It has been well over a month since we put all of our things in one house. But, I still haven't managed to find a home for everything. My bedroom is a complete pig sty and it drives me crazy!

But, apparently, if you wish you could be a better mom, you'гe not alone. Mom guilt is practically an epidemic.

Sometimes guilt can be a warning signal that you need to make a change in your life. Are you not spending enough time with your kids? Are you too OCD (like me)? If you do see red flags, make resolutions to change, no matter how small.

I have been suffering with my guilt off and on forever, but most recently, I have been suffering with it for about two weeks. Last week, I resolved to get one room a day clean all week. By Friday, when it was time to clean my room, I slacked off, but I wouldn't do it differently. Instead, the hubby and snuggled up to a movie. But, a lot of my guilt is gone because I made some movement to cleaning my house. (I did a similar thing at work and knocked out some much needed work.)

For gnawing working mom's guilt, take a day off just to spend with your child. I did this Saturday. The hubby with away at his second job and instead of stressing about cleaning, the girls and I snuggled up on the couch with Halloween candy and a movie. Your child will relish the special time with Mommy.

When you're feeling work vs. family conflict, it's easy to idealize the life you would have as a stay-at-home mom. But it's not ideal. Yes, I enjoyed being a stay at home mom. (I loved it, really.) I loved being home with my girls, but I did not love having to be completely dependant on my husband financially. Would I ever choose to do it again? In a heart beat, if we could comfortably afford it. But the reality is that stay-at-home parents can have as much stress as working parents, if not more.

Although mommy guilt is a sign that we'гe trying to do our best, we need to learn to let it go so that we can be our best. A guilty conscience can bring you down mentally, physically and spiritually, and can affect every person in your family.

Sometimes we feel guilty because we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, or we'гe comparing ourselves to other people. Be who you are. You will never be happy being someone else. We were all created completely unique, so when we try to be something we'гe not, we'll always be unhappy.

In what ways do you most struggle with "mom guilt"?

First Week

I am about to finish out my first week as a full time employee in two years! Wow! Can't believe how fast this week has flown by and how exhausted I am. It has been a very eventful week, though. I had 3 days of training in our "corporate" office and just got to my actual location today! I am sooooo tired, but I absolutely love it! I love the fact that I am going to have benefits and money. I do miss my girls, though. I haven't gotten to see them a whole lot, but hey....I did it for 5 years before (and then I was a single parent).

I Am Back at Work

Okay, for those of you who don't know, I have gone back to work. (Thus the change in my blog address, name, and background.)

Just a few years ago, I led what I like to believe was a successful career as a Paralegal. Now, I am back to work. After being home for a year and a half, getting married, becoming a stepmom, suffering from back pain, undergoing back surgery, a car accident, and now facing a foreclosure, I am back at work.

I work for a nice law firm in their traffic division and I love it! I love being at work! I love the independence, I love the confidence, and I love feeling like I make a difference to someone!

It will be interesting to see how I manage to juggle everything again. To me, life is full of things that are just have to dos and I have done well with that. For me, it is not an option to take care of my family, it is just a have to do so there is no reason complaining about it.

It will be interesting to see how things develop now that I blog about it...