"30 is the new 20, unless your 20, then it's the new 40." - Dane Peddigrew
I can remember back in 2004...I had a tough time turning 24 because it was too close to 25, which was too close to 30. Since, then I have not had a hard time with my birthday...until now.
Tomorrow, I reach the big 30! And what do I have to show for my life? When I turned 24, after feeling sorry for myself, it seemed to spurn me forward. I bought my own car, I graduated college the next year and bought my own house about 2 years after that.
Now, on the other hand, there is nothing left to show... The car that I bought, was totaled earlier this year when someone failed to yield and ran right into me at full speed. The house that I bought...well, I have struggled to make the payments since I lost my job early last year and now, I have fallen 3 months behind and they are ready to foreclose. Not to mention, I haven't lived there in over a year. Instead, we live on family property (of my husband's family) and it's not even in our name. All of the wonderful things that I bought and acquired for my "first home" are now a distant memory. Almost none of it has stayed with me...most of it being sold when we moved.
Why do women have such a hard time with turning 30? Unlike turning 13, 18 or 21; 30 is that first milestone that is met with dread.
Many women -- especially if they haven’t accomplished something that they wanted to do -- look at their 30th birthday with dread. They think that they should have done something…bigger than what they have. It’s a big turning point; when you enter your 20s from your teens, when you first venture out into this big world, but it’s not considered a big deal. But going from your 20s to your 30s -- now, that’s a different story.
It was easy a few years ago to say these feelings of insecurity wouldn’t affect me -- but then again, I almost had my life made a few years ago. Now, I turn 30 years old tomorrow and the major milestones of my life have been lost and the only other goal that I had set has slipped through my fingers. No wonder I am having such a tough time!
I have heard that a lot of people discover themselves in their 30s, they learn a lot about themselves. I have heard that they don’t feel the need to sugar coat their words, or explain their actions. They don’t apologize for their mistakes and no longer beat themselves up over them either. Most have a level of confidence that women in their 20s have yet to discover. (This I look forward too, if it's true...everyone knows that I could do with some confidence.)
Apparently, when you are 30, you should magically have your "stuff" together, be secure in your career of choice, have a significant other with a prospect of either marriage or children, have already or be in the process of buying a house/condo, and be on the road to the height of the American Dream. I, on the other hand, have no career, no self-confidence, no prospect of additional children (as a matter of fact 30 is my deadline...there will be no more), and that house that I bought is slipping through my fingers.
It is odd, in my twenties, I was a single parent who managed to make it through college and even bought a house, but couldn't help but yearn for a husband and the chance to have a child "the right way." Now that I am nearing 30 and I have my husband (even if the baby dream is gone) I can't help but mourn the loss of all that I had accomplished in my 20s and then lost.
I wonder if it's required to have some sort of mid-mid-life crisis when the big THREE-OH approaches.
Some advice that I have found in my research (you all know how I love the research!):
Don’t beat yourself up. Very, few people have accomplished their list of things to do before reaching 30. (The perfectionist that I am, I can't help but beat myself up. Hopefully with a decaying body, I won't be able to beat myself up too much...lol)
Life experiences are priceless. Life experiences are the best lessons you will ever receive. Instead of looking at what you didn't accomplish, look at what you’ve learned.
Enjoy every stage of life. There is beauty in each phase of our life.
Although, some of these tips haven't quite hit home with me, yet. I hope that I gain that self confidence that is always spoken of so much by those who have already passed my upcoming milestone. In the meantime, all I can do is to try to not be so depressed...somehow I know that is easier said than done.
I can remember back in 2004...I had a tough time turning 24 because it was too close to 25, which was too close to 30. Since, then I have not had a hard time with my birthday...until now.
Now, on the other hand, there is nothing left to show... The car that I bought, was totaled earlier this year when someone failed to yield and ran right into me at full speed. The house that I bought...well, I have struggled to make the payments since I lost my job early last year and now, I have fallen 3 months behind and they are ready to foreclose. Not to mention, I haven't lived there in over a year. Instead, we live on family property (of my husband's family) and it's not even in our name. All of the wonderful things that I bought and acquired for my "first home" are now a distant memory. Almost none of it has stayed with me...most of it being sold when we moved.
Why do women have such a hard time with turning 30? Unlike turning 13, 18 or 21; 30 is that first milestone that is met with dread.
Many women -- especially if they haven’t accomplished something that they wanted to do -- look at their 30th birthday with dread. They think that they should have done something…bigger than what they have. It’s a big turning point; when you enter your 20s from your teens, when you first venture out into this big world, but it’s not considered a big deal. But going from your 20s to your 30s -- now, that’s a different story.
It was easy a few years ago to say these feelings of insecurity wouldn’t affect me -- but then again, I almost had my life made a few years ago. Now, I turn 30 years old tomorrow and the major milestones of my life have been lost and the only other goal that I had set has slipped through my fingers. No wonder I am having such a tough time!
I have heard that a lot of people discover themselves in their 30s, they learn a lot about themselves. I have heard that they don’t feel the need to sugar coat their words, or explain their actions. They don’t apologize for their mistakes and no longer beat themselves up over them either. Most have a level of confidence that women in their 20s have yet to discover. (This I look forward too, if it's true...everyone knows that I could do with some confidence.)
Apparently, when you are 30, you should magically have your "stuff" together, be secure in your career of choice, have a significant other with a prospect of either marriage or children, have already or be in the process of buying a house/condo, and be on the road to the height of the American Dream. I, on the other hand, have no career, no self-confidence, no prospect of additional children (as a matter of fact 30 is my deadline...there will be no more), and that house that I bought is slipping through my fingers.
It is odd, in my twenties, I was a single parent who managed to make it through college and even bought a house, but couldn't help but yearn for a husband and the chance to have a child "the right way." Now that I am nearing 30 and I have my husband (even if the baby dream is gone) I can't help but mourn the loss of all that I had accomplished in my 20s and then lost.
I wonder if it's required to have some sort of mid-mid-life crisis when the big THREE-OH approaches.
Some advice that I have found in my research (you all know how I love the research!):
Don’t beat yourself up. Very, few people have accomplished their list of things to do before reaching 30. (The perfectionist that I am, I can't help but beat myself up. Hopefully with a decaying body, I won't be able to beat myself up too much...lol)
Life experiences are priceless. Life experiences are the best lessons you will ever receive. Instead of looking at what you didn't accomplish, look at what you’ve learned.
Enjoy every stage of life. There is beauty in each phase of our life.
Although, some of these tips haven't quite hit home with me, yet. I hope that I gain that self confidence that is always spoken of so much by those who have already passed my upcoming milestone. In the meantime, all I can do is to try to not be so depressed...somehow I know that is easier said than done.
Why don't you guys live in your old house? That would make more sense wouldn't it?! You've got your daughter - nothing can take that away from you!
ReplyDeleteOur life is in Davidson County, so it seemed like a decent decision at the time. And yes, I do have Alyssa, my saving grace...I just hope that I am doing at least the major things right by her. Thank you Carla, your always a comfort.
ReplyDelete