New Thinking About My Children

I heard something on the radio the other day that has sort of hung with me. I have been listening to WBFJ more often lately and they have a lot of little blurbs on Christian marriage and Christian child rearing.

I have always looked at the way my child acts as a reflection on me. If she acts horribly, then that relects that I am a bad mom. Because of this, I have always been sort of hard on her. I don't ever want anyone to be able to question my parenting (although some do anyway). I love my daughter, but I try hard to undo what I feel wasn't quite right in my upbringing.

Something that I heard on WBFJ the day: Instead of treating your child's mess ups as an insult to your parenting, teach your child that when they mess up, we are in this together.

I have thought about this a lot the last few days and I have to admit that I am a parent who sees parenting as more of a goal than a pleasure. Don't get me wrong I love my kids, but from the moment that I found out that I was pregnant, and keeping her, I decided that I would work hard to overcome the "mistakes" that my parents made. I am sure that my parents did the best that they knew how, but I really want to do better. I want to be able to proudly raise productive members of society. As my daughter gets older, yes, I realise that I am sometimes hard on her. I realise all the "cool" stuff that I may have missed out on. I haven't necessarily let the dust bunnies wait while I play with her, but I take great pride in her achievements. I am proud of the example that I set for her, most of the time. I don't shirk from my responsibilities, even when I would rather be "playing." I hope that this sets a good example for her as she grows up!

Back to the subject....I have been thinking about this new way of looking at things and I can see the positives about facing problems this way, but I still can't let go of my natural inclination that he behavior is a reflection on me. What I hope to achieve is somewhere in the middle. I hope that both of my girls learn that their behavior is a reflection on others (whether it be parents, teachers, or bosses). But also that when they do mess up in those big ways that I am sure they will (i.e. traffic tickets, etc.), we are in this together and can find a resolution. I don't ever want them to hide their mistakes. I work hard to teach them to take responsibility for their mistakes and then fix them.

Side note: I did try to do some research on this post (I am ready to get back to that) but sadly, Google produced no results.