Growing up, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a mother. I didn't have good parents. I actually had neglectful and abusive parents. I knew from as far back as I can remember that I wanted to have children (at least one) and raise them the way that my parents didn't bother.
When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, I was single (after ending a 2 1/2 year relationship with her father), I live with my mom (who is/was an alcoholic and a drug addict), and I earned minimum wage. But, I made it. I wasn't the type of parent that I wanted to be, but I made it. I was stricter than I wanted to be, but my daughter is now 10 years old and growing up beautifully.
When I met my husband, we fell head over heels and immediately planned at least one more pregnancy (but hopefully twins). Shortly after getting married, those hopes died. Partly because of my pride, partly because of my health. Then, I found out that a friend of our was trying to get pregnant and the subject came back up. Then, she was pregnant. Then, right after my 31st birthday (way older than I ever intended to be) we decided to start trying.
So, yes, this has been a very short journey so far, but one I hope not to travel for long. I have a lot of female issues (at least they are for me). I have a history of very irregular and heavy periods. This, will most likely adversely effect our current attempts to conceive. And I just came off an IUD, so this can effect our efforts as well. But, after almost 4 years on an IUD, I forgot what a curse this "monthly visitor" really is. I swear, if only hysterectomy were an elective surgery, I would definitely elect one!
But, back to the original purpose of this post. Yes, I was hoping that I was pregnant. I saw signs in my body and, of course, the delay of my courses. So, of course, I thought that maybe, just maybe. So, yes, I am disappointed. I admit.
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