Wow, this is a hard question for me to answer. Being an immersed christian, you wouldn't think that it this would be a hard question for me, but I have been facing a crisis in my spiritual life.
I know who I am supposed to say that HE is. I know who it is that I proclaim HIM to be, but who is it that I accept HIM to be? Who is it that I let HIM be in my life?
If I am being completely honest, I don't let HIM be all that HE should be in my life. HE should be my LORD and savior. The savior part, I am good with. It's the LORD part that I have trouble with.
Maybe it stems from my trust issues as the survivor of childhood abuse and neglect, maybe it is the constant influence of the world, which tells me that I have to be strong and independant, and maybe those are all excuses. I really don't know. But I do know that I have a hard time submitting to anyone, even my LORD. This has become a BIG stumbling block for me as I am now a wife and commanded to submit to my husband.
One of God's commands is for a wife to submit to her husband. But, how do I submit to my husband and trust that he will do what is right for me? Where is the line between me watching out for myself and surviving in this world and submitting to my husband? How do I submit to someone else and still be me? Can you see how my trust issues play a big role here?
Honestly, this question has hung so heavily as of late that I am have found myself pulling back from church. I have found myself telling my husband that I can no longer help with the children's sunday school class that we teach and even going so far as to tell him that I won't attend church.
So many doubts....so many hurts in my life....how can I step out in trust now?
A good sign is the fact that I am finally putting my thoughts to "paper" so now, maybe I can find small ways to start stepping out.
My first step is to immerse myself in HIS word. Then, we will see where he leads from there...
I know who I am supposed to say that HE is. I know who it is that I proclaim HIM to be, but who is it that I accept HIM to be? Who is it that I let HIM be in my life?
If I am being completely honest, I don't let HIM be all that HE should be in my life. HE should be my LORD and savior. The savior part, I am good with. It's the LORD part that I have trouble with.
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One of God's commands is for a wife to submit to her husband. But, how do I submit to my husband and trust that he will do what is right for me? Where is the line between me watching out for myself and surviving in this world and submitting to my husband? How do I submit to someone else and still be me? Can you see how my trust issues play a big role here?
Honestly, this question has hung so heavily as of late that I am have found myself pulling back from church. I have found myself telling my husband that I can no longer help with the children's sunday school class that we teach and even going so far as to tell him that I won't attend church.
So many doubts....so many hurts in my life....how can I step out in trust now?
A good sign is the fact that I am finally putting my thoughts to "paper" so now, maybe I can find small ways to start stepping out.
My first step is to immerse myself in HIS word. Then, we will see where he leads from there...
This rings true here too. Thank you for your openness. Prayers for you!
ReplyDeleteFound you from the "Revive Your Marriage" Link up.
- Jill @ www.heartworkhomeschool.com
Very well said and very true! Trust issues run so much deeper than they can appear at first blush, as I know first-hand...
ReplyDeleteThank you, it is nice to know that I am not the only one who deals with this!
DeleteI hear what you're saying. Maybe I'm a fair-weather Catholic by saying this, but I take the parts of the religion that are meaningful to me and apply them in my life. I know the bible says to be submissive to your husband, but those words were written long ago. The world has evolved and so has humanity. I don't have any real answer for you except to say that many of us struggle with similar issues.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stoping by my blog.
Steph at I'm Still Learning
Steph,
DeleteI appreciate your honesty, but I am a fundamental christian, so we try to take the bible and follow the bible literally, including the whole submission thing. God created checks and balances for this and I want desperately to follow his instructions, but he also created my life as it is and knew how I would struggle with this...