Growing up, I believed that God put me through so many trials (foster care, sexual abuse, lonliness, rejection, etc.) for a reason. I believed that he had something planned for me.
To this day, I don't think that I could have thrived as a single parent, if I hadn't learned early on that life is tough. Think about it, I lived almost 8 years as a single mom. During that time, I went to school, started a career, bought my first car, and bought my first house. There is no way I could have done all of that if God hadn't refined me with fire early on.
Now, for years and years, I made a good show of nothing effecting me. I had things to do and I got them done with no feeling. I detached myself from any sort of painful feelings and did what needed to be done. I survived 4 different foster homes, graduated highschool, reunited with my mother (that relationship tanked), had a relationship with my oldest's father (again, another failure), raised my oldest, went to college, and started a career.
And, through all of that, I don't remember most of it.
I mean, I can remember most of the acutal events, but I might as well watch a movie about someone elses life, because I don't remember feeling much of anything. I remember some heartbreak and some pride, but I don't remember anything in between.
Then, I met my husband and he showed me what it was to make memories. To do things as a family and enjoy it. And, it was just simple things, like a drive through the mountains, but we did it together. And, you know what, I really think that was the start of my heartbreak. That was the start of me feeling my feelings and actually working through all of those feelings that I kept at bay for years.
Don't get me wrong, I am a pro at being a coldhearted witch when I have had enough of hurting, but God always pulls me back.
To this day, I don't think that I could have thrived as a single parent, if I hadn't learned early on that life is tough. Think about it, I lived almost 8 years as a single mom. During that time, I went to school, started a career, bought my first car, and bought my first house. There is no way I could have done all of that if God hadn't refined me with fire early on.
Now, for years and years, I made a good show of nothing effecting me. I had things to do and I got them done with no feeling. I detached myself from any sort of painful feelings and did what needed to be done. I survived 4 different foster homes, graduated highschool, reunited with my mother (that relationship tanked), had a relationship with my oldest's father (again, another failure), raised my oldest, went to college, and started a career.
And, through all of that, I don't remember most of it.
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I mean, I can remember most of the acutal events, but I might as well watch a movie about someone elses life, because I don't remember feeling much of anything. I remember some heartbreak and some pride, but I don't remember anything in between.
Then, I met my husband and he showed me what it was to make memories. To do things as a family and enjoy it. And, it was just simple things, like a drive through the mountains, but we did it together. And, you know what, I really think that was the start of my heartbreak. That was the start of me feeling my feelings and actually working through all of those feelings that I kept at bay for years.
Don't get me wrong, I am a pro at being a coldhearted witch when I have had enough of hurting, but God always pulls me back.
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