Why Can't the Pain Stay Buried?

I have struggled with pain for a long time and just when I think I have made some progress, I backslide.

Just when I am satisfied with where I am and how life is going, something will happen in life that will pull me back under. Why?

Only God knows the answer to that.

Now, I have lived with physcial pain (hello, back surgery a few years ago), but that is not what I am talking about.

I am talking about gut wrenching, chest crushing emotional pain.

Source

There are times where I feel like no one could possible know what it feels like to be rejected by the people that are supposed to love you unconditionally (your parents and family). Sometimes, I hear other peoples stories and I just want to taunt them back which "oh yeah, you think your story is bad, try this...." (Now I try not to do that out loud, but there are times where it goes through my head, but in my defense, it is usually when I am exhausted and have no business interacting with people anyway.)

There are times when I worry how my own anger and pain is rubbing off on my children. I mean, come on, they live with me day in and day out, they see what I go through.

But, recently, I went to therapy and I was getting to a happy place. But, for weeks now, I have been backsliding and denying it. Then, two weeks ago, I went to church and I couldn't stop crying. I felt out of place, exposed, and raw.

I don't know what God is trying to teach me or trying to get me to work through, but there is definately something there.