Unfortunately, guilt is one of the natural by-products of being a mom. However, what do you do when you are constantly plagued by guilt? Guilt was a weapon that my father liked to use on me as a child. And as a person who has suffered an enormous amount of rejection in my life, I suffer from perfectionism and constantly feel guilty for not reaching those standards.
Even though I get to stay home with my girls, even if it's not by my choice, I feel guilty that I don't spend enough "quality" time with my kids. I often feel that I should be reading more books to them, talking to them more, or even playing more games with them. Even when I do have a day to spend enough "quality" time with my kids, I often feel like I'm not contributing to the world at large.
And since I am home all day, my homes should be spotless, right? My husband thinks so, but Wrong! You would be surprised how many other things can nickel and dime your time away.
I also feel guilty when we can't afford to enroll my girls in all the activities that they would want to do, or put that swing set in the backyard that I want to. Maybe if I was working, we could afford these things. Not only do these feelings add stress to a marriage; they can cause stay-at-home parents to question whether their children would be better off if both parents worked outside the home.
And I often feel that, more than others, I get angry too often. We all feel guilty when we lose our temper at our kids, but being home all day with our kids, it's only natural that our children occasionally drive us "nuts"! I have high expectations of myself and of my children and when those expectations are not met, I tend to get angry. Mind you, I am no abuser and I don't beat my children, but I can get cranky from time to time and lose my patience.
I will be also admit that, yes, I have become totally addicted to the Internet (one of those things that can take up my time). As a stay-at-home mom, it helps me feel connected to the outside world, and I've made some "cyber-friends" with whom I enjoy chatting with or exchanging emails. But I do feel guilty about the amount of time I spend online, instead of with my family.
I know that sounds like a lot of guilt for one person to endure, but that is only the tip of my iceberg. I suffer constant guilt over every little thing that I have allowed to slip through my fingers, every little thing that does not go how I pictured it, pretty much everything in general.
My latest pang of guilt comes from the fact that my husband is seeking a second job. It was one thing for him to seek a summer job while school was out, but now he contemplates a night job. If he gets this job, it could alleviate some of our financial burden, but then I would no longer have my husband at home. He would go to work at school, come home and sleep, got to work at night, then try to get some more sleep before going back to school the next day. I know that this will be hard on him as well as our relationship and our family. For this I feel extremely guilty, but what can I do? I have sought every job in the triad area for which I would qualify and for which my back (post-surgery) could take. So what do I do now?
Honestly, I don't feel that I can do anything and that in and of itself leaves me feeling guilty.
Even though I get to stay home with my girls, even if it's not by my choice, I feel guilty that I don't spend enough "quality" time with my kids. I often feel that I should be reading more books to them, talking to them more, or even playing more games with them. Even when I do have a day to spend enough "quality" time with my kids, I often feel like I'm not contributing to the world at large.
And since I am home all day, my homes should be spotless, right? My husband thinks so, but Wrong! You would be surprised how many other things can nickel and dime your time away.
I also feel guilty when we can't afford to enroll my girls in all the activities that they would want to do, or put that swing set in the backyard that I want to. Maybe if I was working, we could afford these things. Not only do these feelings add stress to a marriage; they can cause stay-at-home parents to question whether their children would be better off if both parents worked outside the home.
And I often feel that, more than others, I get angry too often. We all feel guilty when we lose our temper at our kids, but being home all day with our kids, it's only natural that our children occasionally drive us "nuts"! I have high expectations of myself and of my children and when those expectations are not met, I tend to get angry. Mind you, I am no abuser and I don't beat my children, but I can get cranky from time to time and lose my patience.
I will be also admit that, yes, I have become totally addicted to the Internet (one of those things that can take up my time). As a stay-at-home mom, it helps me feel connected to the outside world, and I've made some "cyber-friends" with whom I enjoy chatting with or exchanging emails. But I do feel guilty about the amount of time I spend online, instead of with my family.
I know that sounds like a lot of guilt for one person to endure, but that is only the tip of my iceberg. I suffer constant guilt over every little thing that I have allowed to slip through my fingers, every little thing that does not go how I pictured it, pretty much everything in general.
My latest pang of guilt comes from the fact that my husband is seeking a second job. It was one thing for him to seek a summer job while school was out, but now he contemplates a night job. If he gets this job, it could alleviate some of our financial burden, but then I would no longer have my husband at home. He would go to work at school, come home and sleep, got to work at night, then try to get some more sleep before going back to school the next day. I know that this will be hard on him as well as our relationship and our family. For this I feel extremely guilty, but what can I do? I have sought every job in the triad area for which I would qualify and for which my back (post-surgery) could take. So what do I do now?
Honestly, I don't feel that I can do anything and that in and of itself leaves me feeling guilty.
I am the queeeen of guilt. My mother's ONLY weapon was guilt, and she used it well. I'd say for the first 4 years of being a mom I was riddled with guilt on a daily basis to the point of it driving me to depression. I still have guilt, but it has helped me to realize ('cause I'd love to be perfect too) that I'm NOT perfect, and compared to a lot of moms, well, I rock. And you do too. Don't let it get to you. Remind yourself that you can only DO what YOU CAN DO -- nothing more, and there are okay if you have days where you do less. I bet women who work in the public arena don't give their 100% every day (I know I didn't), and then if they are moms too, they come home and I KNOW they don't give 100% to their kids. If you're giving a good 75% on more days than not, then you're doing an awesome job. Being home with your kids makes up for an egregious amount of our downfalls. Our kids need to see us mess up. Trying to be perfect in front of, and for them will only set them up for failure later in life (they will strive to be as good as the though we were) but they need to learn how to deal with rough days and down times too. And watching mom do it is a great way to learn. You'll be so glad you got this time at home with them. And having Danny around is so much more important. Trust me -- I know being broke SUCKS. We've been there.... it's been years since I started staying home. But if you can get by and not have anything (and cry and feel sorry for yourself just every now and then -- that's what I do), having Dad in the picture will be so beneficial too. Okay - done blabbing now... enjoyed the post!
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