The Guilt of a Stay at Home Mom

Unfortunately, guilt is one of the natural by-products of being a mom. However, what do you do when you are constantly plagued by guilt? Guilt was a weapon that my father liked to use on me as a child. And as a person who has suffered an enormous amount of rejection in my life, I suffer from perfectionism and constantly feel guilty for not reaching those standards.

Even though I get to stay home with my girls, even if it's not by my choice, I feel guilty that I don't spend enough "quality" time with my kids. I often feel that I should be reading more books to them, talking to them more, or even playing more games with them. Even when I do have a day to spend enough "quality" time with my kids, I often feel like I'm not contributing to the world at large.

And since I am home all day, my homes should be spotless, right? My husband thinks so, but Wrong! You would be surprised how many other things can nickel and dime your time away.

I also feel guilty when we can't afford to enroll my girls in all the activities that they would want to do, or put that swing set in the backyard that I want to. Maybe if I was working, we could afford these things. Not only do these feelings add stress to a marriage; they can cause stay-at-home parents to question whether their children would be better off if both parents worked outside the home.

And I often feel that, more than others, I get angry too often. We all feel guilty when we lose our temper at our kids, but being home all day with our kids, it's only natural that our children occasionally drive us "nuts"! I have high expectations of myself and of my children and when those expectations are not met, I tend to get angry. Mind you, I am no abuser and I don't beat my children, but I can get cranky from time to time and lose my patience.

I will be also admit that, yes, I have become totally addicted to the Internet (one of those things that can take up my time). As a stay-at-home mom, it helps me feel connected to the outside world, and I've made some "cyber-friends" with whom I enjoy chatting with or exchanging emails. But I do feel guilty about the amount of time I spend online, instead of with my family.

I know that sounds like a lot of guilt for one person to endure, but that is only the tip of my iceberg. I suffer constant guilt over every little thing that I have allowed to slip through my fingers, every little thing that does not go how I pictured it, pretty much everything in general.

My latest pang of guilt comes from the fact that my husband is seeking a second job. It was one thing for him to seek a summer job while school was out, but now he contemplates a night job. If he gets this job, it could alleviate some of our financial burden, but then I would no longer have my husband at home. He would go to work at school, come home and sleep, got to work at night, then try to get some more sleep before going back to school the next day. I know that this will be hard on him as well as our relationship and our family. For this I feel extremely guilty, but what can I do? I have sought every job in the triad area for which I would qualify and for which my back (post-surgery) could take. So what do I do now?

Honestly, I don't feel that I can do anything and that in and of itself leaves me feeling guilty.