Off to Kingergarten

It is official...my youngest, my step-daughter is off to kindergarten today. I expected to be a little lonely at home, I didn't expect to feel completely left out...

My fourth grader asked me to take her to school on her first day. (Side note - my husband teaches in the same school, so I don't usually have to take her to school.) So I obliged and drove her to school.

It is hard as a step-mom and I experience a lot of conflicting feelings ranging from anger, jealousy, and confusion to elation on an almost daily basis. So, when my step-daughter did not ask me to take her to school, I took it in stride until...her mother called last night to confirm where to meet to take her to class. Now, keep in mind, her mother only gets supervised visitation at this point. We have signed a final custody agreement, but it doesn't take effect until October, so she has no right to take my step-daughter to school. Yes, she is her mother, I respect that, I have no choice, but it is soooo hard when I don't know what is happening.

I will admit that I am jealous. I am jealous that my step-daughter didn't ask me to take her to school, but I am more jealous that her mother is getting to take her to class and that I am left at home in the background (the story of my life) wondering what is going on. Don't get me wrong, her mom is a good mom, my step-daughter loves her and has fun with her, but we have different parenting styles and I worry about how that effects my little girl. I am more of a "you better act your age" type of parent who tries to instill responsibility and maturity in both of my girls. From what I have seen, my step-daughter's mom focuses more on having fun and winning her little girl's love. I don't want to say that she spoils her little girl, but I don't think that she realizes what our daughter is capable of and caters more to the baby side.

So, basically, I am worried. My step-daughter doesn't get to see her mom frequently and I worry that her showing up this morning will disrupt my step-daughter's first day of Kindergarten. All that I can do is cross my fingers and say a little prayer that my step-daughter enjoys seeing her mom, but that it doesn't effect her first day of Kindergarten.