How Can Someone I Never Knew Inspire Me To Be a Better Person?

Wow! I went to a beautiful funeral yesterday! I never had a chance to know by boss's partner, Deedee Wilkins, but she was obviously a beautiful person! The things that were said about her at her funeral were wonderful! She led a troubled life, she suffered from depression, much like I do, but the things that others said about her were amazing. They spoke of how much life she had in her, how much life she shared with others, how much love she showed others, and generally what a beautiful person she was. This really touched me.

As I mentioned, I suffer depression. I have been clinically diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since I was 15 years old, after suffering sexual abuse at the hands of my father as a child. This is not a fact that I share, as a matter of fact, this is one of the reasons that I share so much detail about my life. I don't seek to hide the problems, it only gives them power. But back to the subject at hand.

Listening to Deedee's friends speak at her funeral got me to thinking about what people would say about me if I passed away right now. Honestly, I couldn't think of anything nice that they would say, though I am sure that there would something nice to be said of me, but nothing nearly as beautiful as what was said of Deedee. I am starting to think that God placed me on my path so that I went to this funeral and heard these things for a reason.

I have suffered a lot of anger in my life. And I do mean suffer. All that I have been through in my life has caused a lot of hurt, a lot of confusion on my part, and A LOT of anger. I like to think that generally, I am a decent person. I am hard working and stubborn, but I care about my friends and family. I, however, do let my anger get the better of me at times. I am not a hopeful person, I am more of a realistic person than most about how tough life can be. I take my commitment as a parent a little too seriously sometimes looking more at the outcome of my labor than at enjoying my daughters' childhood. Thus, I am not super affectionate towards my children and I often expect a little too much work out of them.

Recently, I have finally realized that God is working on my emotions. I think that he is trying to work on my healing. (Something that I have tried to do several times on my own with no success.) Maybe attending this beautiful funeral is a way of God reaching out to me and giving me some incentive. So, yes, this beautiful person, Deedee Wilkins, who I never had the chance to meet has inspired me to be a better person.