Please find Part One here.
Have you ever thought that there is something inside you that finds a strange pleasure in your negative thoughts? It sort of sickening, but for some of us, we do find a sick sense of satisfaction in our negative thoughts. It’s like staying in a relationship that long ago fizzled out. There is no true happiness left, but you remain out of mere comfort. People are comfortable with what they are familiar with. I am familiar with negative thoughts, however they bring me no happiness.
Another way to look at it, a way that I think is equally true….
I suffered child abuse, so I had no control over what caused my past hurts. Because of this, I have some serious control issues, in that….I have to have it (control, that is). If I can control nothing else, I can control my thoughts.
Yes, yes…that sounds like a contradiction to what I said the other day. However, it is a never ending cycle in my life. It is like those with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). They have a compulsion to do things for no other reason than to have control. However by having the compulsion to do these things (whatever they might be) they lose control.
I have to have control and yet I can never believe that life is good (because of my past). Therefore, when things are going well and the least little bad thing happens, I have to believe what experience has told me (that this is the “other foot” dropping). I begin to have negative thoughts. Then, I start dwelling on those thoughts. Then, I lose control and the thoughts take over.
So, I want to look at dealing with the source that produces these thoughts. Try looking for the story behind the thoughts. My most prominent negative thoughts are the result of my past abuse and my lack of trust because that. Sometimes the current negative thoughts come about because all of the pain from my past has not been dealt with. I have a hard time trusting….trusting others, trusting myself, trusting life, and yes, sometimes trusting God.
So, when my negative thoughts start creeping in, it may help to hash them out with someone, even if it’s just my journal. In telling the story of the thoughts, maybe I can uncover where it’s really coming from. After all, knowledge is power.
Have you ever thought that there is something inside you that finds a strange pleasure in your negative thoughts? It sort of sickening, but for some of us, we do find a sick sense of satisfaction in our negative thoughts. It’s like staying in a relationship that long ago fizzled out. There is no true happiness left, but you remain out of mere comfort. People are comfortable with what they are familiar with. I am familiar with negative thoughts, however they bring me no happiness.
Another way to look at it, a way that I think is equally true….
I suffered child abuse, so I had no control over what caused my past hurts. Because of this, I have some serious control issues, in that….I have to have it (control, that is). If I can control nothing else, I can control my thoughts.
Yes, yes…that sounds like a contradiction to what I said the other day. However, it is a never ending cycle in my life. It is like those with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). They have a compulsion to do things for no other reason than to have control. However by having the compulsion to do these things (whatever they might be) they lose control.
I have to have control and yet I can never believe that life is good (because of my past). Therefore, when things are going well and the least little bad thing happens, I have to believe what experience has told me (that this is the “other foot” dropping). I begin to have negative thoughts. Then, I start dwelling on those thoughts. Then, I lose control and the thoughts take over.
So, I want to look at dealing with the source that produces these thoughts. Try looking for the story behind the thoughts. My most prominent negative thoughts are the result of my past abuse and my lack of trust because that. Sometimes the current negative thoughts come about because all of the pain from my past has not been dealt with. I have a hard time trusting….trusting others, trusting myself, trusting life, and yes, sometimes trusting God.
So, when my negative thoughts start creeping in, it may help to hash them out with someone, even if it’s just my journal. In telling the story of the thoughts, maybe I can uncover where it’s really coming from. After all, knowledge is power.
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