Dilema

Okay, so . . . anyone who follows me knows that last year, I had a real dilemma in that I felt that the time for child bearing had passed. (Which was a major desire of my heart, and it still is.) When I tried to talk to my husband about it all those months ago, I got "don’t you think it kills me to think that we might not get to have another?" To me that meant that the dream was dead. So I closed my heart to it.

As it turns out, the dream wasn’t completely dead. There was still a chance, but now our lives are in turmoil. The story of our marriage: we get through one tough situation only to enter into another . . .

I don’t know how many of you out there know this, but life is getting tougher and tougher for our teachers! My husband loves being a teacher, but I have never seen him so frustrated! 

This year, there were some major turn overs at his school and I think it has left the entire school in flux. So, he got to start the year dealing with that . . . then, they cut the hours which he gets his teacher’s assistant and cut his planning time. The result . . . Danny has been working a lot. 

A teacher’s job is not as easy as you think. Yes, they get "off" at 3pm every day and get summer vacations, but being a teacher and dealing with kids and their parents is emotionally and physically draining. Danny has gotten to deal with that as well as working longer than ever before (sometimes not getting home until I do at 5:45pm) and has brought home more work than ever.

What does this mean for our family? I don’t know . . . 

I had hoped that we could start planning to add to our family soon, but with all of this up in the air, should we? I am the kind of person that tends to just step out in faith (when I want something bad enough) and trust that things will work out. But Danny needs to know that everything is going to be okay before he steps out.

Which of us is right? Probably him. I do know that before I agree to bring another child into this world, I want to know that I am doing it right. We need a bigger house, a bigger car, and I want to be able to afford to decorate a baby’s room and all that fun stuff that I missed out on with Alyssa. So, to some degree, I think that Danny is right . . . we have to know we are going to be okay before we step out, even if that means it passes us by.

Danny and I have not talked about this. But I think he would agree with me that this time of turmoil may not be the right time to even talk about adding to our family. The problem from my end is that the clock is ticking. I don’t plan on having kids past 32 years old, and I never have (Hint: That is 11 months away). I guess there is some need for prayer and guidance here . . .