When is the right time to start trying?

How Do You Know When You're Ready?

Okay,I have been obsessed about this recently, but I can't help it, and it helps to write.

How does a couple know when they are ready for kids and/or another kid?

My husband and my relationship is a little different in that we have two children, but have never had a child together.

I have never chosen to have a child with anyone. I got knocked up with my daughter. There was no choice there. So, how does a couple decide if there are ready for a child?

As it turns out, this is not an easy question to answer. You have to take a lot of things into consideration:

Goals

• Are either of you still in school? Yes, my husband just started classed for his AIG certification (for which I am very proud of him).
• Or planning to go back at some point? Yes, my husband would like to go back for his Masters in Administration.
• How will that affect your finances, spare time and relationship? Detrimentally, I am sure. The hubby and I can't get enough time together or stretch our finances to a comfortable amount as it is, but in the end I am sure it would be beneficial.
• And, what effect will a baby have on that education? Danny's current schooling should only last about 16 weeks, so no issue there. But a baby would definitely put his Master's on hold, but he doesn't seem to be on the fast track for that, yet.

Career

• Is there room in your career, especially for mom? There is a problem here in that I tend toward being a workaholic. I was with my oldest and now, I constantly battle with my priorities. Not to mention, I just started my job 6 months ago, too early to start considering maternity leave?

Finances

• Do you budget? Yes, I started this recently for my family, though it's really hard to stick to.
• Is there any room in your budget? Not at the present but there should be a lot more room after the first of the year. But, we've always lived paycheck to paycheck and just made enough for our mortgage, household expenses, and paying off debts, with just a little left for fun.
• What about daycare? Can you afford to go back to work and pay daycare? Or stay home? Honestly, right now, neither. I would love nothing more than to stay home for a few years, but we can't afford this. The only other option is to pay more than $8K a year for other people to raise our kid, my wallet is already hurting.

 Conception

•  Chances are, you'll have little or no idea about your ability to conceive until you start to try. Luckily, I have an insight into this. My body, at its healthiest (11 years ago) took two years to conceive my daughter. (Yes, I know I said that I got knocked up, but I was young and dumb and not exactly preventing getting pregnant at the time.) Yes, there would be a chance of conceiving right away, but I doubt it with my now older, bigger, and less healthy body. (So that 32 year old cut off is always looming in the back of my mind.) Now, add in the fact that after a certain age, it becomes harder to conceive, pregnancies become higher risk, and advanced maternal age carries increased risk of birth defects, cancers, and other complications.

 Relationship

• Being married isn't easy . . . and parenthood is even less of a fairy tail. I love my hubby, but there are a lot of days where marriage and/or parenting are a challenge. So how do you know when your relationship is ready for another kid? (Okay, I sort of answered that question with a question . . .) I think I am nervous from a relationship aspect. Our marriage has already been really hard. I love my husband and I have no plans to go anywhere, but I also know our day to day life. I know that he is stressed at work, I know that we don't always agree on how to raise our kids, I know that I often get oversensitive at having to do work full time and do so much around the house, I know my physical limitations with my back. With my roller coaster emotions, I wonder what a baby would add to that mix. Our kids are currently 10 and six, and a baby would be a major change to our relationship. I know that my husband will be a great father (he already is), but the human side of me is nervous.

 Space

• Are you ready to spend more money on an upgrade or move to a less expensive area? I am willing. The hubby and I have always had the dream of putting a house on the land that he owns, but I am currently in bankruptcy. We are still recovering from me being out of work for two years. So, how long before a bank would approve a loan for the dream we have? Who knows . . . that is not exactly a question I can Google.

This is a lot to consider and my initial answers scream "Hey stupid! It's definitely not time!" Okay, nothing so drastic. If you really look at it form finances, we could make it (though it wouldn't be comfortable) and from the conception aspect, it's almost now or never. But really, is there ever a right time to have a baby? There is never going to be enough money, enough time, enough space.

It sucks because I'm anxious to add to our family and one by one I'm watching others do it. I want a baby so bad it hurts, but I guess it's just not in the cards right now...