Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Did You Really Leave Your Parents?

Or did you just move out of their house?

I read this great post by a Guest Contributor, Sheila Wray Gregoire from To Love Honor and Vacuum on Time Warp Wife, called Leaving Your Parents this Christmas.


It definitely inspired this post and some thinking of my own.

The holidays are always a tough time for me. I don't have a lot of family that I speak to or get along with (an no, for those of you who have never read me before, it's not because I am hard to get along with). The more special I try to make my girls' holidays, the more I realize that I missed out on growing up.

What I didn't stop to think is Did I Really Leave My Parents (or in my case, my family)? I was raised with a lot of family loyalty, and that is very important to me. But (bet you didn't see that coming), since my husband and I have been married (all two years), my family has not gotten together for the holidays. So, this year, I was going to make sure that when my uncle said he was coming down, I was going to make it, no matter what my husband's family was doing. It worked out fine, but that was not the best thought pattern to have on the subject. It sort of indicates that I have not "left" my family.

So let me ask you a question: Have you truly "left" your family?

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. ~ Genesis 2:24

As it was pointed out in this article, leaving our parents doesn't just mean that we leave their house, it means that they are no longer our primary source for emotional support or advice. When we need to decide how to spend our limited time, we aren't primarily concerned with our parents; we worry about our husbands.

There is story after story of a wife/husband, being told by their family (or even just given the impression) that their other half is not good enough for them or doesn't do enough. It quickly becomes a slippery slope when you constantly seek solace from these same people who are putting a wedge in your marriage and not surprisingly, a lot of these marriages don't last, if help is not sought elsewhere.

Granted, it worked out this year and I didn't put my husband in an uncomfortable position (at least I don't think I did). But a much healthier view would have been to keep an open mind and to speak with my husband with an open mind about the schedule for the day. After all, does it matter where we are as long as we are together? No, it doesn't.


I should sit down with my husband and talk about what really matters. If you both believe that it's important being home to wake up on Christmas morning with the kids, you might decide not to drive to Grandma’s the night before. This is something that is very important to me. I want to have the better part of the morning with just us four. Thus far, my husband has acquiesced to this request, but I don't think I ever even asked him if it's important to him as well.

My husband has created his own traditions, he reads 'Twas the Night Before Christmas before bed on Christmas Eve and the nativity story from the Bible after presents have been opened. My girls so look forward to both of these.

What about you, what does your and your husband's ideal Christmas look like?

3 comments:

  1. What cute traditions. My family lives far away so sometimes I see them, other times no. I really want to start my own traditions.

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  2. Thanks for joining my hop. I followed you, but do you use FB Networked Blogs or have a FB page? Just trying to increase the connections in case GFC disappears. Cheryl :)

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  3. Cheryl, I do have a FB page, but not sure how to put a link to my blog. It's Working Mom, Issues and All.

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