Unhealthy Heart

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I am reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. I love her writing! I don't even get 10 pages into her book and she has already inspired two blog posts.

Beth Moore says "a woman with an unhealthy heart towards men will invariably be unhealthy in all sorts of areas." She says that men are not our problem. Unfortunately for me, this is not accurate. Men (or one man, rather) is my problem. My father did unspeakable things to me as a child and it has forever skewed my view of men, myself, and even sexuality.

I do everything that Beth says that we shouldn't. I derive my womanhood from men. I use men to see if I am valuable. I try to read my husband's expressions and moods to determine how I should act. And, if I can't figure it out, I do things to drive him away.

The truth? No man can handle that pressure. I couldn't handle the pressure of being the end all be all for someone. What happens if I mess up? What would their reaction be? Could they forgive? Honestly, could you handle it?

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So, yes I have a lot of things that I want to work on for the benefit of others. (I want to be a better mom, a better wife, a better employee, etc. etc. etc.) But, I can't effectively benefit others without first benefiting myself. So, where do I begin? Hopefully, this book I am reading is a good place?