Friday, February 10, 2012

What Causes Insecurity?

Some believe it is looks, weight, or even status/power. None of these things cause insecurity. So, what does?

An injured soul.

Somewhere along the way, your soul has been injured. There are many possible roots of insecurity and I have decided to confess some of mine:

  1. Instability in the home
    1. I come from a divorced home. My parents divorced when I was a small child. My father even remarried twice after that.
    2. I am the child of an alcoholic and drug-addicted mother.
    3. I was emotionally/verbally abused by my father & step-mom. I was told over and over that I was the president of the IBTC (itty bitty titty committee) and that I would grow up to be fat because I was 130 lbs and 5'4".
    4. I was sexually abused by my father at the age of 8 and again from 12-15 years of age.
  2. Significant loss
    1. I lost both of my siblings (a brother and a sister). Neither one of them is dead, they are both alive, but they want nothing to do with me. I last saw my sister when I was 7 years old, but she does not want contact with me because she is afraid my father would find her. My brother staid home with my father when I left at 15 years of age. (My father's side of the family does not believe that he abused me.)
  3. Rejection
  4. Source
    1. Nothing Shouts a more convincing lie about our personal value than rejection. I don't think there is any greater rejection than that of your own parents and family. I have had my parents reject me in favor of their pride, drugs, alcohol, and fun. My father's entire side of the family rejected me rather than believe what my father did to me.
    2. It is even possible to perceive a rejection when there is none. I do this all the time because I am over sensitive as it is. But, is it really not a rejection when the other person knows that it hurts me, but they choose to do it anyway. (That's one to ponder. And one that I have never found an answer to.)
  5. Pride
    1. Anything that hurts our pride/ego can make us feel insecure. For me, there are a lot of examples:
      1. having a significant other cheat (all but three of my boyfriends cheated on me)
      2. not being the first choice (I am my husband's third wife and honestly, it effects me, but no one effects me quite as much as his ex-girlfriend. I constantly battle with my self-esteem over the fact that I wouldn't have been his first choice. Mind you, he has never said this, but you know regret when you hear it.)
      3.  not being a top priority (I have felt this a lot!)
      4. not feeling special
      5. being a step-parent (yes, not being your child's parent can do a big number on you)
Wow! After that list, I am surprised I can get out of bed in the morning!  But, I tried to be as honest as I can. There is nothing quite as cleansing for the soul as confessing (whether is be a sin or a weakness).

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