Saturday, February 11, 2012

False Positives

What is your false positive?

What is the one thing that, if you received it, would make everything okay? What would complete your world?

A false positive is that thing that you constantly seek or worry about not having. It is the thing that you believe would bring you confidence and happiness.

For me, it's honestly three things (two small and one ultimate).

1. Weight. If I weighed less, then I would be happy. Of course, I have thought this after every 20 lbs that I have gained throughout my adult life. I have gone from 150 to 180 to 200 to 230 and now 240 lbs.

2. Sex. If I was desired more, then I would be happy. That is a huge insecurity of mine!

3. But the big one, the really really big one is the status that comes with a nice big house. I mean, the kind with lots of bedrooms, at least two bathrooms, a garage, nice decorating, the works. That has been my hearts desire for ever. I have always thought that if I could work myself up to that, then everything else would be cake.

Now, I am fully aware that none of these things can fulfill me. But I still wish, desire, and seek them.

I can only hope that Beth can show me how to work past this.

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