Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Control Freak

**fair warning: I am feeling the need to cleanse my soul with confession.**

Yes, those of us who are insecure have an overwhelming tendency to become control freaks. Beth goes so far as to point out that our need for control is directed towards those who have the most potential to either threaten our insecurity or strengthen it.Most insecure women focus on husbands/boyfriends and the more insecure a mother is, the more she fights to control her child.

I am a control freak. No matter what excuse I give for being controlling. No matter how much I have justified it to myself, I am. And yes, I have given excuse after excuse. I am just trying to make sure that my kids act properly. I am just trying to teach them. I am just trying to keep the house clean. I am just worried about ______. I am the mother of an ADHD child, I need to handle the organization. Kids thrive on structure. etc. etc. etc.

All of that may be true, but somewhere along the way, I am pretty sure I crossed a line.

My poor hubby no longer watches sports because I feel like I have to compete with them for his attention when they are on and I won't have it. Out of respect for me and probably because I won't have anything to do with him when they are on, my sports loving husband doesn't watch them like he wants. I swear that, if he could, he would have sports on 24/7. While I firmly believe that is not healthy for him, or our girls, who would be exposed, but he could probably stand to watch them more often. Unfortunately, my tender ego won't allow it.

My girls are strictly under my rule when at home. They're rooms must be kept clean, their clothes must be on them just so, and they must behave just so in public. This may be good and well, but I fear that I go a bit far with it at times. And yet, I don't know how to back off without winding up as the doormat most parents are nowadays. I have, gratefully, learned how to back off some and allow my kids to mature and figure out how to navigate some of their world on their own.

Unfortunately, we cannot control people and the insecurity that drove the desire in the first place only deepens with each failure. Every time that my kids look at me hatefully, my heart breaks. Every time my hubby pulls away, my heart breaks. Unfortunately, this causes me to try to control them more rather than let them go.

Somewhere along the way, we have to acknowledge that others are separate people from us and we are called to cherish, support, and pray for them. Not control them. Others are made in God's image, just as we are. God made them the way that they are and if he doesn't like it, he will cause it to change. All we can do is love them, while still keeping our dignity.

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