I am reading a book that was recommended to me by my oldest daughter's developmental pediatrician. Granted, this doctor/P.A. is obviously a very educated woman, she is, however, oozing with feminist beliefs. Now, I am no feminist. I believe that men and women are equal, we are not, however, the same. Guys are better at some things than women, and vice versa. But, I also blame feminists for the fact that I cannot stay home with my girls, even if I wanted to (which I do). I don't think that men, women, and their relationships will ever be happy until we can accept the fact that God made us differently, two halves of a whole.
Anyways, back to this book, Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher, Ph.D. This is a book written by a psychologist and delving into the conundrum of girls and adolescence. This book has honestly pointed out things that I have dealt with and never really even processed that I went through.
Dr. Pipher points out that during The Bermuda Triangle of Adolescence, a girl loses herself. Ophelia, from Hamlet, is a perfect example of this. She is a happy carefree child, then she hits adolescence and falls in love with Hamlet. From there, she lives to please him and her father and is devastated when Hamlet rejects her for being a good daughter.
During adolescence, girls are taught to "disown" themselves. They learn to hide the "unacceptable" parts of themselves and only feed the socially acceptable traits. Outspoken and opinionated girls become shy, quiet women. Adventurous "tomboys" become quiet beauty queens who seemingly only care when they break a nail.
Girls typically respond to the pressure to abandon themselves in any combination of these four ways: they conform, they withdraw, they become depressed, or they get angry. Those who do conform and abandon themselves are those women who have the perfect smile plastered on their face, but they are a complete mess inside.
The really bad thing...I have often wished that my girls, and even I, were these women. They always have their hair perfect, they have nice nails, pedicured feet, a nice wardrobe, and seem to have it all together. What I never realized was how much they had to give up to be that person. I don't think that I could ever give up my self and I definitely don't want my girls to.
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Dr. Pipher points out that during The Bermuda Triangle of Adolescence, a girl loses herself. Ophelia, from Hamlet, is a perfect example of this. She is a happy carefree child, then she hits adolescence and falls in love with Hamlet. From there, she lives to please him and her father and is devastated when Hamlet rejects her for being a good daughter.
During adolescence, girls are taught to "disown" themselves. They learn to hide the "unacceptable" parts of themselves and only feed the socially acceptable traits. Outspoken and opinionated girls become shy, quiet women. Adventurous "tomboys" become quiet beauty queens who seemingly only care when they break a nail.
Girls typically respond to the pressure to abandon themselves in any combination of these four ways: they conform, they withdraw, they become depressed, or they get angry. Those who do conform and abandon themselves are those women who have the perfect smile plastered on their face, but they are a complete mess inside.
The really bad thing...I have often wished that my girls, and even I, were these women. They always have their hair perfect, they have nice nails, pedicured feet, a nice wardrobe, and seem to have it all together. What I never realized was how much they had to give up to be that person. I don't think that I could ever give up my self and I definitely don't want my girls to.
I think that the things you mention here are a lot of the reasons I was nervous about having a daughter. Christine (my blog partner) has 4 little girls and I'm sure she would tell you that they all have different unique personalities . . . it stinks that they will start to notice how their personalities aren't socially attractive and maybe lose aspects of them to make other people happy. I'm nervous that my own daughter will run into that somewhere down the line, too!
ReplyDeleteGirls are tough - I'm betting boys also come with their own set of issues (which I'm slowing learning about) but I know what it's like to be a girl growing up and it scares me to think that my precious little one will have to endure a lot of the same things I did.
Being a girl is scary! I don't think that I really ever comprehended how scary and I AM a girl.
DeleteThere will be future posts as I continue reading this book.
Thanks for reading!