Submission - My Testimony

I have been reading a lot of marriage blogs lately and there is always a common theme, a theme for which a lot of these bloggers catch a lot of grief, a theme that has become taboo to talk about in the secular world.

That theme is Submission.

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I have been married for 3 1/2 years now and I still struggle with submission. I struggle with submission to my husband and to my God. But, I have felt compelled lately to share my experience with my struggle with submission.

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My husband and I met, dated for 6 months, were engaged, and married 4 months later. During our whirlwind "romance," we had a lot going on. I lost my job shortly into our relationship and then I suffered a bulging disc which made it difficult to even walk down the isle, not to mention the custody battle over my step-daughter.

Then, within the first year of our marriage, I underwent back surgery and just as I returned to work, I faced foreclosure on a house that I bought before we married.

When I faced foreclosure on my house, I spoke with my husband about it. He decided that it wasn't worth saving. We weren't living there, after all. 

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But, me being the liberated and independent woman that I am, decided that I just couldn't let "my" house go. I let my emotions and pride get in the way.

As a result, I ended up living separately from my hubby and filing bankruptcy in order to save "my" house. Now, I live in a house in a declining neighborhood, which isn't really big enough for my family, is probably worth far less than, is entirely too far from my girls' schools, and I really don't care for anymore.

Even worse, I emasculated my husband and forced him to do my bidding in order to save our marriage. For that, I don't think I will ever finish paying the price. That move has left a deep scar in my marriage and a definite confusion in our "proper roles." My hubby, being the man that he is, tries not to hold it against me, but every time that someone mentions submission, my spirit is convicted.

If I had only submitted to my husband, there is no telling where my family would be now, but there wouldn't be this scar etched deeply in my marriage.

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If I had even taken the time to pray and truly seek God's guidance, whether through prayer or his Word, I am sure that I would have been convicted to submit my will to my husband.

So, while submission is a taboo topic in today's world, it is definitely a topic that needs to be addressed, especially for young couples.

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-33)     

So, what is the point of sharing all of this? My point is that, if I had submitted to my husband in this matter, then I would not be suffering the consequences. So, I caution all married women to truly seek guidance through prayer and through scripture when dealing with an issue involving submission.

And remember that, yes, the husband is to love his wife sacrificially, but as we all have learned, we (women) can't control our men. It is up to God to convict him. All you can control is your own decisions and actions.