Monday, November 7, 2011

Mommy Guilt

I have been suffering recently. I have heard it said that my emotions are being tested. Anyways, at the drop of a hat, I lose the control that I once had and I start crying. My poor hubby is baffled. My problem, more than anything else right now, is guilt. I feel like such a failure in every area of my life, in way more areas than I am able/allowed to post about.

I feel like a failure a work because my "checklist" is getting too long. I can't seem to keep up. For me, being the perfectionist that I am, I am sure that I am making more out of this than I should, but I worry. I am so thankful to have a job and I worry that my recent inability to keep up and all the time that I feel like I miss for my family will take that blessing away.

I can't keep up with my house. It has been well over a month since we put all of our things in one house. But, I still haven't managed to find a home for everything. My bedroom is a complete pig sty and it drives me crazy!

But, apparently, if you wish you could be a better mom, you'гe not alone. Mom guilt is practically an epidemic.

Sometimes guilt can be a warning signal that you need to make a change in your life. Are you not spending enough time with your kids? Are you too OCD (like me)? If you do see red flags, make resolutions to change, no matter how small.

I have been suffering with my guilt off and on forever, but most recently, I have been suffering with it for about two weeks. Last week, I resolved to get one room a day clean all week. By Friday, when it was time to clean my room, I slacked off, but I wouldn't do it differently. Instead, the hubby and snuggled up to a movie. But, a lot of my guilt is gone because I made some movement to cleaning my house. (I did a similar thing at work and knocked out some much needed work.)

For gnawing working mom's guilt, take a day off just to spend with your child. I did this Saturday. The hubby with away at his second job and instead of stressing about cleaning, the girls and I snuggled up on the couch with Halloween candy and a movie. Your child will relish the special time with Mommy.

When you're feeling work vs. family conflict, it's easy to idealize the life you would have as a stay-at-home mom. But it's not ideal. Yes, I enjoyed being a stay at home mom. (I loved it, really.) I loved being home with my girls, but I did not love having to be completely dependant on my husband financially. Would I ever choose to do it again? In a heart beat, if we could comfortably afford it. But the reality is that stay-at-home parents can have as much stress as working parents, if not more.

Although mommy guilt is a sign that we'гe trying to do our best, we need to learn to let it go so that we can be our best. A guilty conscience can bring you down mentally, physically and spiritually, and can affect every person in your family.

Sometimes we feel guilty because we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, or we'гe comparing ourselves to other people. Be who you are. You will never be happy being someone else. We were all created completely unique, so when we try to be something we'гe not, we'll always be unhappy.

In what ways do you most struggle with "mom guilt"?

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