One of my New Year's Resolutions was to start posting more meaningful blog posts again....but, I have just had the day from Hell...o operator, give me number nine.
My day started out pretty good. It was payday, so I woke up early and headed to the ATM to pull out our budgeted food and gas money. I got home and the rest of the day went pretty normal. Somehow, I even ended up at work early.
Then, 7:54am, my phone rings. It's the hubby. "I have had a rough morning, are you sitting down?"
Immediately, my breathing gets shallow and my heart starts fluttering.
Long story short, my oldest daughter has been asking classmates to bring her a knife or gun so that she can kill herself. My hubby (who teaches at her school) was approached by her teacher this morning.
Wow! My mind swirls and I start bawling. My baby girl...my 10 year old...the child that I have done my best to protect...the child that God loves and entrusted to my care wants to end it all.
Needless to say, I spent my morning hours in tears and by afternoon, I was in complete bewilderment. I have gone through utter heartbreak, something akin to denial (but not really denial, because I can't afford to deny this cry for help), shame, and even anger at others (people who don't really have any fault in this matter).
But, speaking of fault, who is at fault? Of course, it's me. I am, after all her mother, I should have done more right? There is no other reason a 10 year old would contemplate suicide all because she can't make friends.
**Of course, I took my oldest in to see a counselor today and she says that she isn't in immediate danger to herself or others, but she is depressed. The plan right now is to keep an eye on her, give her some extra TLC, and frequent therapy appointments for a while.
My day started out pretty good. It was payday, so I woke up early and headed to the ATM to pull out our budgeted food and gas money. I got home and the rest of the day went pretty normal. Somehow, I even ended up at work early.
Then, 7:54am, my phone rings. It's the hubby. "I have had a rough morning, are you sitting down?"
Immediately, my breathing gets shallow and my heart starts fluttering.
 |
| Source |
Wow! My mind swirls and I start bawling. My baby girl...my 10 year old...the child that I have done my best to protect...the child that God loves and entrusted to my care wants to end it all.
Needless to say, I spent my morning hours in tears and by afternoon, I was in complete bewilderment. I have gone through utter heartbreak, something akin to denial (but not really denial, because I can't afford to deny this cry for help), shame, and even anger at others (people who don't really have any fault in this matter).
But, speaking of fault, who is at fault? Of course, it's me. I am, after all her mother, I should have done more right? There is no other reason a 10 year old would contemplate suicide all because she can't make friends.
**Of course, I took my oldest in to see a counselor today and she says that she isn't in immediate danger to herself or others, but she is depressed. The plan right now is to keep an eye on her, give her some extra TLC, and frequent therapy appointments for a while.
No comments:
Post a Comment