Sunday, January 29, 2012

How do I Create Faith That Lasts?

I keep running across articles talking about how to create faith that lasts in your children. My problem... I have a hard time with my own faith. Granted, I haven't turned my back on God since I was a struggling teenager, but still...I can't seem to follow and fully trust God and his plan for my life.

Day to day I struggle. I struggle in everything. Some days I struggle to get up. I struggle as a parent. I struggle as a wife. I struggle as an employee. I struggle with finances. I struggle with sleeping. I struggle with everything. I struggle to pray. I struggle to attend church. I definitely struggle teaching Sunday School. I struggle with friendships. I struggle with acquaintances. It may sound impossible, but I struggle with e v e r y t h i n g.

I don't understand why everything has to be such a struggle, but it is. There are times where I just put my nose to the grindstone and I tune out the struggle (even though that is typically when I am struggling the most), but the struggle never ends.

When I was young, I wanted to be a mother, but I also knew that this world is a horrible place for people. I had all but decided not to have any kids because of what a horrible place it is. But, I hoped. When I found out I was pregnant, I hoped that I could protect my kid from the horrors that I grew up with and maybe she would have a happy life. I was wrong and it's breaking my heart.

So, how can I try to instill in her a faith in Christ that lasts when I struggle myself? I struggle constantly. I struggle with my lot in life. I struggle with submitting ( I can't do it). I struggle with praying. I struggle to hear God (and I have never been able to).

I read books. I read Christian books. I attend church on a regular basis. I go to a Sunday School class and I keep up with the prayer requests and the snack list, but I am not really plugged in. I have been trying for three years now to read my bible. I tried going to a bible study class, but with all the women in there, I was an outsider and eventually gave up on that. I don't know where else to turn. I don't know what to do...

*Sorry, this post has no answer.


  1. Breathe.

    Your family is going through a lot right now. Things WILL get better. SHE will get better.

    The other day, I had a meltdown at work. Me. A meltdown in public. Very uncharacteristic. I had to go into the break room and call my mom. One thing she said over and over and over again was I had to keep trusting God. She told me so many times it was starting to irritate me, but I knew she was right. It isn't all going to make sense to us.It isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes there is trouble. Sometimes there are storms. Sometimes there aren't answers. You know my current realm of Hell, so you know I know what it means to struggle every second of every day. To not have control over what's going on in my life. To not feel like anything in my realm of understanding makes even the tiniest bit of sense.

    But...I keep hoping. I keep trusting. I keep praying. I keep surrendering it to God even when I don't even feel like I know the true meaning of the phrase.

    If I can do it, I KNOW you can do it. Even when we are at our weakest, HE is strong. Rest in Him. He has never/will never leave you nor forsake you (or I.)


  2. Angela,

    I really really appreciate your wonderful words. I have them saved in my email and I have read them over and over and over again the last few days.

    1. I'm so happy to hear that! I am so glad I was able to encourage you. :-)