Saturday, February 11, 2012

Why Does It Hurt So Much?

I don't understand...

I am trying to find a way to heal myself and some of my insecurities and I don't understand why it has to hurt so much! By trying to heal my insecurities, I am afraid that I have ripped a band-aid off a big gaping wound.

Can you believe that as my husband left for work tonight, I had almost convinced myself that he wasn't going where he said?

My husband is a very good man. He has not given me reason to question him. Everything that he has done prior to work is the same as it always is. He picked up the supplies for his presentation yesterday, which is standard procedure. But, because he decided to dress extra nice, because it is Valentines weekend and we have no plans, and because I am extra sensitive and insecure right now, I could almost convince myself that he isn't doing what he says he is.

This is classic for me. I am hurting. I have completely convinced myself that I am not worth love. (Thanks to all who contributed to that mentality by the way.) So now, I want to push everyone away. I just want to chase everyone away so that I don't have to feel rejection any more.

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