Monday, April 15, 2013


Wow! What a message on Sunday!

The pastor spoke on love yesterday. What could have possibly been a better sermon, right?

The pastor talked about how we are to reflect God's love (from above) to all of those around us. (My husband compared this to a beam of light through a prism.)

It was a wonderful message...but....then the pastor  compared it to parental love. I don't remember his exact words, but they hit me like a ton of bricks crushing, not just breaking, my heart. I started crying so much that I had to excuse myself from the end of service and hid out in the bathroom until everyone was dismissed.

What could have possible crushed my heart like that?

Well, it's two-fold.

One. I was not raised to believe that I am worthy of love. Everyone who was supposed to love me "unconditionally" turned their back on me. My father, a little girl's protector, sexually abused me. And, when I reported him, I was disowned from half of my family, whom I haven't seen since. My mother, the person who is supposed to nurture the next generation, neglected my brother and I in favor of drugs and alcohol. Needless to say, I have a few scars.

Two. If I don't feel worthy of love myself, then how can I show love, especially to my little girls? That's where most of my heartache came from yesterday. It breaks my heart to think that my children suffer for my shortcomings.

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